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....the damage that was done, and the treasures that prevail..."

Posted by SureWhereMySparkIs , 14 July 2012 · 79 views

"I came to explore the wreck. The words are purposes. The words are maps. I came to see the damage that was done and the treasures that prevail."
~Adrienne Rich

So this is my first official blog post, and I really like quotes, song lyrics, etc. that resonate with me, so maybe that's a good way for me to begin journaling.

The above quote is one of my favorites, and it's taken on a new meaning.

Recently, I recorded a statement for my federal agent and DOJ and they have said yes on the case moving forward for federal investigation and prosecution of human sex trafficking. (To say that this is daunting, terrifying, validating, and stressful on so many levels is an understatement, but one thing I can say without a doubt is I am so incredibly lucky with the agent I have.)

What's interesting is that I had let go of any kind of justice, and had completely focused on rebuilding my life, which I did.....so much so that people are very shocked/surprised to know what I did survive and how far I've come.

I started over once I got out, but in a sense that was really part of my "running" and avoidance of what I'd been through. It was because of that avoidance, I believe I got to the point I have in my personal and educational life. It (the avoidance...and at one point the running which saved my life) served a purpose at that time, which it no longer serves and is something I need to let go of (work in progress).

And now, it feels like I'm starting over in a completely different sense, because I am finally learning to accept and process the truth of what happened to me....and not only that, but there are actually people who believe me, listen to me, believe IN me (often more than I believe in myself), and support and fight for me. That is sort of an amazing concept that is still very hard for me to accept.

So this is my new chapter....exploring the wreck. And this time, I'm not alone (even if I may feel like it often)....I'm learning and trying to get myself to accept and believe that there isn't just 1 or 2, but in fact a growing team of people who are on my side. I anticipate the words I provide to my agent are not helpful, they're useless, not enough....and instead I am met with reassurance, and that those words, those memories do indeed have a purpose, they do indeed (and sometimes quite literally) provide a map. And with everything that is so painful....THAT is pretty damn awesome.

So no matter how this turns out, I'm determined to make it part of my own healing process.....and part of my own success story. I'm determined to hold onto those treasures among the wreckage.

June 2016

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