I can't stop feeling crazy. I feel crazy every day all the time I'm questioning what's wrong with me. I've become such a master at how to disconnect any emotion, that nothing I ever do is sincere. People around me notice it, and it's making it really hard to sustain any type of relationship, especially with family, and lately with the friends. It's pretty difficult to be able to accept your reality when your so far into outterspace that you couldn't even understand reality if it was explained to you in black and white. I haven't cleaned my house in three weeks. I drink everyday, I avoid all eye contact, every day. I want so badly to have that human connection again, but it feels impossible. I know that when ever you come out of an emotionless year, that when you start to accept emotions again, they start to rush out of you as if they're unstoppable. I'm slowly starting to feel things, and it's quickly making me shut down. I have two options.
1. Stop where I'm at. Put up the wall. And pretend like nothing ever happened.
2. Start talking about it. And Start trusting people.
It's a tough choice to make. Luckily I don't have to make it tonight.
Sweet tequila is calling my name, and there's nothing but a shower to wash all of this filth away seperating me from tasting it.