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Posted by sherodon , 12 September 2012 · 54 views

So right now I'm having a panic attack. I know that's all that it is so that's good I guess.

My mom just keeps telling me to snap out of it. She says to stop being depressed and move on and keeps pressuring me and I told her last night that the abuse wasnt just physical but it was sexual to, and all though her reaction was really great and she's sooo tryin to be supportive she's just lacking a little sympathy.

She doesnt understand how hard this is for me to deal with and everytime I try to tell her she just sums everything up with "we" need to suck it up and move on from it. She always says we. Like me and her. She doesnt feel anything that I feel so why would she say we??

I am supposed to go put in my applications tommorrow, but after my counseling yesterday, I took a nap and woke up with the worst cold ever. I am sneezing and coughing and my nose is stuffy and my throat is sore. So today I have just been sleeping on and off and feelin like total crap. All she keeps saying is I cant believe you dont have your out fit ppicked out yet, while your out and about tommorrow you need to go to the grocery store because were out of everything, if you dont get a job within the next week I'm havin your phone shut off, were gonna have to sell your car, how many places have YOU called back you cant expect everyone to call you if you are supposed to be the one wanting a job.

I already feel like I'm not healing fast enough, I cant handle hearing it from her to. This is to hard. I'm bein to whiny, I'm not trying, It's not my anxiety that's holding me back, I'm just lazy, I hear it enough from myself. I need her patience and understanding right now, not her telling me what to do.

I have been freaking out since I told her. It just made everything feel so real. She doesnt understand that. My excuse for her before was she doesnt know what he put me through. Now she knows and just doesnt care. I keep checking on her because she didnt act upset about it, but she keeps saying she's fine.

I dont know what to do. I dont want a job because I dont want people telling me what to do but I would love to have a job because I know I need to get out and be around people, and to make my own money so I can move out and get back in school. It's just so hard because I'm so exhausted. Like I just told her that yesterday and she hasnt changed her mind about a thing. She still thinks I'm being lazy and depressed and that I just need to stop being like that and be normal aggain, because she cant handle me being the way that I am.

I'm a nervous wreck right now. I dont think I can handle life I might just need to become a shut in, that might solve all my problems.

October 2015

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