Told my cousin last night
All I said was that I have been goin to the crisis center once a week for over a month now. She really didnt say much, she kept telling me that it was ok to crying even though I wasnt crying. Lol She was like your freaking out calm down. I really wasnt freaking out all I said was that I went to the crisis center and I think she was freaking out so she thought I was doing the same but I really was very calm.
I started sweating immediately and getting itchey hives all over. Then I started coughing because my breathing felt really tight. She doesnt even really know why I was going, all I said was sometimes when me and Kenny argue, he get's really mad. I think she thinks it was like isolated and she doesnt know anything about the R**** but it just made everything so much realer for me. I know she's not some one that I can talk to about it all because she just immediately changed the subject, but at least now I dont feel like I've got this double life going on.
She was pretty cool about it. I was thinking in my head the whole way to her house like why are you gonna tell her, what are you wanting to get out of this, why do you want to do this and I couldnt think of why, but I think it's because keeping it a secret is weighing to heavy on me. I was really glad she just brushed it off like she did, because I think the worst recation would of been for her to get mad and want to confront him.
I'm still so confused though. Like I dont know what to do with myself, I have a hard time handlin a job cuz of flash backs, school isnt an option right now because I have no money, so it's sorta like what the hell am I supposed to do with myself.
I hope I figure it out soon.