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Takin notes . . . I hate him I hate him I hate him I freaking hate him (verrry bad Language)

Posted by sherodon , 07 August 2012 · 108 views

So I'm just writing this down here because I know with the way my lovely brain works I will have no memory of what happened by the end of today.

I've got some motherfuggin kick ass hair!!! I got it done yesterday and I love it. Its a red type of deep brown and it was blonde before. It's been blonde since I was twelve. Well I've never dyed it because my EX-boyfriend wanted me to keep it blonde. Actually he always said If i dyed my hair another color he would "smack the shit out of me and never talk to me again".

So I dyed it. I of course wanted him to see it so I stopped by after he got off work. He didnt even blink. I am very disappoinnted with the reaction. I wanted him to freak out and hate it. Instead he said who ever did your hair sucks because she missed a spot. No the fuck she didnt. My hair is perfect and gorgeous as hell.

Well it made me upset that yet again he's ruined another good thing in my life, so I started crying. Like crying crying like sobbing. I couldnt help it I dont know what the hell is wrong with me. Well that made him mad because I straight up told him he ruins everything good in my life and that's when 'he started feeling guilty' his words not mine I dont think he felt guilty but that was his excuse.

So he was like I didnt even cheat on you this last time I didnt ruin that. Ok let's talk about you not cheating on me because talking about you and other girls really puts me in a better mood. Not. So he asked me If I wanted to go through his phone and I said fuck yes because he has never ever ever let me go through his phone before.

So I'm going through all of his messages finding all this evidence that he cheated on me (ohhh so suprised) nooo not suprised at all. So by time this happens, he's pissed that he got caught being wrong so he starts pullin up all these pictures of all these other girls naked and having sex with him. I kept telling him that I didnt want to see this stuff, I tried to warn him.

I even tried to leave but he wouldnt let me. So then the worst part, he starts playing a video of him having sex with this other girl. This girl he cheated on me with. It was the most horrible thing in my entire life. So I took the phone back from him and wouldnt give it back. He pulled my hair so hard chunks came out, he slammed my head into the wall and just kept pushing on the side of it super hard, and kept biting me. Well to bad that didnt phase me I just held on tight lol. Well finally he got it out of my hands and since he wouldnt let me leave, I just turned over and tried to go to sleep.

Well he flipped me on my back and kept kissing me forever. It was so horrible I couldnt get him to stop. I tried to bite him and push him off of me but he wouldnt quit. He started saying If I didnt start kissing him back that he would start biting me and playing the video of him and that girl again so I started kissing him back :tear: . Well then he was like laying the oppisite way as me like his feet were away from me and his head was up towards me. He laid his head on my stomach and started putting his hands down my pants. It was so scary. I really thought that he was gonna make me have sex last night like really reaally. So I pulled away like out of reflex because he was doing things to hurt me, and thats when his head slipped and hit the matress and my leg, I swear to God I did not mean to do it but when my leg came back down I accidently kicked him in the eye.

He has a black eye now. So he came back full force just punchin the shit outta me like for two or three rounds of it. I didnt do any thing but just cover my head with my arms. He got outta bed to look at his eye and I have such a nervous laugh I couldnt hold it in any more. (and it was kind of funny that he tried to sexually assault me and then got a black eye.) Well when I started laughing he picked up a bottle of cologne and said he was gonna throw it at my head so that all the perfume would go in my eyes and the glass would break and he would cut me with it. Well I kept trying to leave and he wouldnt let me I even made it all the way to the front door one time and he grabbed me right before I unlocked it.

Then when we went back into his bed he kept asking me if I wanted him to kill hisself. Why would he go off asking me a question like that. . . . Of course I said no, but he just kept saying he was going to go in the kitchen to get a knife and so I asked him if he could get me a glass of water while he was in there. He was not being serious.

So when he got up, I started easin up so that I could grab my shit and go while he was in the kitchen. Well I think he seen the plan because right before he walked out the door, he stopped and stared at me. He said lay down now I dont want you movin from this bed. I looked him dead in the eyes and told him that I was leaving. It didnt work of course but I think he gets the picture now that every thing is differrent.

He no longer has a hold on me I'm taking my life back.

Aug 07 2012 08:35 AM
Sherodon, I am glad you are taking notes. Next time, would you please consider just calling 911 or getting out of the situation?

Love is not cheating on you. This is a fight for control - between him showing you photos and videos of other women he has been with, and you keeping his cell phone.

There is a possibility that you could have just given him his cell phone back and walked out, but you let your anger get the best of you and it escalated. This is a very volatile situation and I fear it will only get worse. He is talking about killing himself -- the next step could very well be that, or you. The next time a threat like that is made, you DO need to take it seriously and call police. This needs to STOP. I am glad you recognize he should no longer have a hold on you and that you are now taking your life back.

Having been cheated on in past relationships, I understand the pain and fury that arises from a situation such as this. It doesn't sound like he is sorry at all though, and without remorse there is just no point in ever being around him.

My heart goes out to you.

Your absolutely right. Like I had the power to stop it early on and I didn't, I also had such anxiety on my way over there but instead of bein mature about it and sayin ya know this is my life now and he doesnt have to be included in everything I do, I just made myself think I was invinsable to anything he was going to say to me.

I just need to stay stronger and realize how dangerous of a situation it is. Like I guess I thought I knew when to be scared of how he's actin but clearly I dont because last night was pretty dangerous and I didn't realize it until after there was nothing I could do about it.

I changed my hair honestly as stupid as it sounds, because I thought that would make him stop talking to me. Like I know I have a problem with sticking to break ups so I thought I'll just make it so he wont come back to me. Thats why I was so devestated when he said that he liked just there was a missing spot.

I guess I'll have to do some thin more dramatic like blocking his number, I just hope that I can stay strong enough to leave him alone.

July 2016

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