Why I hope its over for real
I really hope that I dont give into him this time because I am so tired of the nausea and vommitting, the exhaustion from the anxiety, the panic attacks, and him telling every one that I'm crazy.
I'm over of hearing that I shouldnt be mad when he cheats on me and that I'm acting psycho when I ask him simple questions like what time do you get off work or did you guys have fun last night.
Im letting go of him telling me what I want to hear at that very moment so he can pull me back into his trap.
I'm putting behind me all the thoughts and feelings that some one so cruel and some one so mean is any better then me because It Isnt True.
I'm realizing that there are other people out there that havent met me or even the real me because I have been so wrapped up in his lies, that I have forgotten who I am.
I am accepting that I am way better off alone then under the control of any one that would do even a single one of the things that he has done to me.
I am loving the fact that every one of these sentences started with me and my thoughts and my feelings because I have been to concerned with the way things effect him for to long.
This is all about me and my healing and my peace of mind and is none of his business.
Its none of his business if I go out or who I go out with.
I refuse to tell him about any decision that I make about everything because he no longer get's to pick my choices for me.
I dont care any more if he has another girlfriend or if he is lying about what he is doing, because his business is a part of my past.
He no longer gets to take me out, because my time is spent better else where.
I wont let him buy me alcohol any more because he wont have any thing to hold against me.
Im cutting ties with all his family, so that he has no excuse to contact me.
And I am not dwelling on this any more because I have already spent to many years on the upset he has created in my life.
This whole entry is really cheesy, but I definately just exhaled for the first time after righting this I can breathe I feel connected to the room I'm in this feels real. I'm giving in and accepting that its over. This isnt a panic attack or me not understanding my actions or acting on someone elses be half, this feels good and I hope I keep it this way.