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Think maybe I'm taking a step back

Posted by sherodon , 30 July 2012 · 31 views

Last night was really bad, so I got a bottle of Burnett's blue rasberry and made it worse. It's weird because ever since I've accepted that my boyfriend is abusing me I've been super sensitive after "incidents" have happened, but I feel nothing today. It's just like before like me and him are totally normal. I'm going to his house later to help his mom do some deep cleaning and so his sister can do my nails. Maybe alcohol does cure everything. Just kidding no one take me seriously when I say that because I know that it makes everything worse in the end. Maybe. I dont know Either I'm getting comfortable with it again or last night was just over that line of bad enough to make me not able to feel anything, because feeling it would hurt to much.

This is so weird. I just know I need to end this soon. Hopefully some how I will figure out a way to leave him and stay gone.

Jul 30 2012 01:48 PM
Hi Sherodon,
I've been married for 27 years to an abusive man. I know how difficult it is to leave and stay away permanently. I've left three times, each time for a longer period of time.

Some books which have helped me realize what was happening was abuse and that I was not alone:

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?: A Woman's Guid to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go by Patricia Evans

Ditch That Jerk: Dealing With Men Who Control and Hurt Women by Pamela Jayne
I went to the library and got ditch that jerk today! Its funny because I meant to take this list with me but I forgot it but the one I happened to find was the one you listed. I dont know when I'm gonna get to read it since I really dont want any one to know whats going on, but I think It will be a good thing and it will be something else to keep me busy from answering his texts and phone calls. I could definately use the distractions for now.

It was so embarrassing checking the books out at the library the guy was looking at me so weird like he felt bad or something. It was probably just me being paranoid :suspect: lol.

Thanks for the advice and the support and I hope that third time was permanent!

October 2014

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