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So I hope I dont affend (hope thats spelled right) any one but I just have a . . not so quick quick question . . . please respond!

Posted by sherodon , 09 July 2012 · 27 views

I've never particularly talked about this and I feel really bad invading on this sight because I understand that there are those who were seriously attacked and hurt, but I don't really know how to classify what is happening to me. I am in a pretty difficult relationship. Its extremely confusing and we both really hurt eachother so I dont really consider what has happened or what is happening to be rape. The only reason I'm classifying my self as a survivor is because when I was feeling pretty low I got on an internet crisis hot line and I was reffered to a crisis center. I cant honestly understand like why some one would say that what I'm going through is abuse but thats what others reffered to it as. So I thought I would come right to the source. I think that I am just being dramatic but it's like I really cannot help it. The things that have happened between my boyfriend and I literally just play over and over and over in my head. There is times when I will being having a conversation, watching a movie, cleaning my room, or anything and I will catch myself not thinking about it but for the most part I cant stop. Sounds rediculous right? I am just gonna go ahead and put an example out there. I dont know if thats what people normally do on these things it probably would have been a good idea to read some one elses blog as an example but I have just been living in a state of panic for about five days now and I really want to make sure what is going on is something that would be good reason to contact a crisis center before I waste their time when they could be spending it helping some one who truly deserves it.
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My boyfriend doesnt listen to me when I tell him no. Iknow its not his fault because we love eachother so that has to confuse him. This last time for some reason sent me into like hysterics when I can handle it everyother time. I must just be emotional lately for some reason. He cheated on me last week. The night before the fourth I was supposed to go to his house and drink with his family sort of like a party and he would come when he got off work. When he got there I was already visablly trashed and he tells me all the time how hard I am to put up with, which is why I really know that it wasn't his fault what happened. He walked in the door with a bag from gamestop and movie theater cup in his hand, and of course me being well beyond the definition of intoxicated I started buggin him about. I know i shouldn't have said anything I was just drunk. He then explaind that everything he got that day was from a date with some girl who paid for everything for him which right now I cant afford to do. I mean it sucks because I love him and I wish I could do more financially for him but it's hard for me to take care of myself right now. and he makes three times as much as I do. So after he told me that I just went in his room and laid down to try to go to sleep. That's when he came in and sat at the end of the bed and started playing that stupid video game that that girl bought for him. It's no excuse for what I did I was totally wrong but I was so stupid I just kicked him. Right in the back kicked him. Of course he hit me back like I absolutely deserved but after the third or fourth time of him punchin me, my drunk ass started hitting him to. Well that really made him mad like of course it would make any one mad and thats when he . . . . He pulled my clothes off and started doing things like sexually. He kept asking me to apologize and I should have and usually I do but this time I just drank way to much and I didn't. It was just making him more and more angry and he was trying to do those things to hurt me but I was being stubborn and wouldnt apologize. He finally stopped and instead of going to sleep and being thankful that It was over, I just looked at him and said **** you. That's when he put a blanket over my face and punched me. It knocked my jaw out of place. I know that everything that night was all my fault and that he had all the right in the world to be mad at me but I just cant stop crying or thinking about it. That's why I reached out to an online crisis hotline and they seem to think that I need to go to the crisis center but I realize that my story is alot different than others. That's why I was hoping that some of you who have been through it could tell me if Im just over reacting or if maybe I am suffering from abuse. I apologize to all those who really have been through it and I hope that this message doesnt upset any one.

Please answer me asap!!



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MaybeJoleisa
Jul 09 2012 11:16 PM
Yes, this is abuse... and a lot of the things you are blaming yourself for are really not your fault. It's not your job to support him financially in any way-- and for him to claim that he is going out on dates with a girl who is "paying for everything" is just cruel, whether it is true or not. And yes, you probably should not have hit him, BUT it does not make it right for him to hit you back, much less hurt you sexually or knock your jaw out of place. I know if my girlfriend were to hit me, no matter the circumstance, my reaction would not be to hit back. Depending on the circumstance I might not take it very well but I wouldn't hit, that is a line that you just do not cross IMO. Without going on about this in so much detail it will be hard to read through I want to reassure you that you are not being dramatic, and that his behavior is in fact abusive. The fact that you are not a perfect human being and have done things you shouldn't have as well does not diminish that.
there is no excuse for beating a woman. I understand that you said you were drunk and kicked him when he was on the bed but is the "normal" response to that knocking your jaw out of place and raping you? You don't have to say no if you are drunk for it to be rape. NO is implied if you are not able to say "yes"

I am not quite sure why you are apologizing to us for his behavior. I don't exactly understand why you keep saying it's YOUR FAULT.

Have you ever heard of "co-dependency"? please look it up. there are codependency meetings everywhere. they are based on the AA 12 step principles. check for CODA meetings in your area. but that is only a small part.

go download this months pandy newsletter and read about Louise's story, visit her website and borrow her book from the library here.

and stop apologizing for his abusive behavior and for his rapes. yup, rape. *you didn't exactly say what he did to you sexually, I am making assumptions based on the words "let it all be over". those are some very key words that folks say when they are being or have been raped. be.
You are the one that should be offended by his behavior. Cheating has nothing to do with finances, and the abusive behavior on his part will not change. Get out while you still can....
Well . . . I just feel like its not his fault hes stronger then me, maybe if I would of been him and he would have been me he would of been the one seriously injured, and as far as the "sex" goes I mean I was being so disrespectful and like Hes of course got to have a huge blow to his ego when I hit him. You may think its rape but he just reacted he didnt mean to do it. Like hows he gonna say oh I just let this girl hit me and hes supposed to be a man. I dont know why I was so bent out of shape about all of this. I think that theres alot that you guys dont know about him which is why it is unfair that I said all this stuff about him. I feel really bad about it now but I have an appointment at a crisis center and im sure they will be able to send me to the right place to get all these over the top emotions in check!! I seriously appreciate your alls responses and I understand that you all are trying to heal from situations that were actually serious, good luck on your alls journies and hopefully if you havent already ill be praying for you all to find peace!! Thanks again!
OK lets look at this,

he speaks to you in a disrespectful manner,
He forces sexual activities after you have said no, he expects you to financially support him - and he is working, he physically strikes you and violently assaults you [hitting back once to protect himself may be defense (still not right, but still) anything after that is assault], and emotionally hurts you on purpose.

Yeah, that is abuse.

Regardless of your actions, how much you love each other, etc
Nothing you did or can do makes his actions and words your fault,

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