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From: Swinging in and out of doubt

Posted by dreamgirl , 31 August 2012 · 118 views

How about we call it non physical abuse. Emotional abuse can be every bit as persuasive as physical abuse and I personally found it impossible to deflect whereas I could easily turn off to the pain I was receiving mostly.
Non physical abuse isn't gentle either, just because it doesn't leave visible injuries doesn't mean it is not highly damaging.
Just look at how a series of sharp words can reduce a child to tears, that is the power that is there.
It is often easier to think that if we were beaten senseless then that is why we "Allowed" the ra*e to happen. but honestly words have at least as much power and force. add in love, or the abuse of it, and I would rather take another hockey stick to the head than try to resist that.

Dreamgirl. You have been on a remarkable journey of recovery and you have pushed boundaries all the way along. some parts though will take longer than others and I think it is important to allow yourself to recognise this. One day you will be able to put all the blame where it belongs. Like 3X said, this can take a while but you will get there. The same can be said about naming what was done to you. It took me 4 years after it was pointed out to me to be able to say that I was raped. I could say it about others but not about myself.
Listen to your T, I think he knows what he is saying and More importantly, Listen to yourself, you will one day realise that you understand that too.

Source: Swinging in and out of doubt

Haven't been able to look back on my blog page for ages. Just re-read what S said - and somehow the battle seems harder despite being further down the track. But that seems to be the way of this. The deeper we go the more we dig down to where the wounds were first inflicted and clear more and more toxic junk out of the way before we can begin to really heal. It just keeps getting more and more painful, the hurting, the aching, the numbness that is so far from actually being numb, the words, the lack of words.

I wonder what I've opened up. I know deep down what I've opened up. I don't want to believe what I've opened up - that's the nub of it - I don't want to have to believe that what happened and what was said were anything other than normal - as then I will have to feel the pain and hurt and despair I tried to shut down then and which just won't go away now.
Yes it is hard but you are pulling through it. slowly you are making progress and whilst you might not think so at times always remember that standing still is not moving backwards. in the short time that I have known you, you have achieved so much.
Sometimes I can see I've made progress but so much of the time I just wonder, feel so unsure of how this journey is panning out. You see progress - I like the sense that standing still is not moving backwards - I really don't want to go backwards, but when this hurts and bewilders and confronts me with what I'd rather not have to admit to - I struggle to see much progress.

September 2014

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