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thisisjay's Blog



Posted by thisisjay , in Family 14 August 2012 · 110 views

My sister had the gall to call me ungrateful tonight. I do everything for her and everyone else. I always put everyone ahead of myself even when I know I shouldn't and I almost never get anything, not even a thank you. Then my sister or someone does me one little sort of kindness and gets all hissy with me because I'm not impressed.

Example: My s...


My Mother's Bubble

Posted by thisisjay , in Family 05 August 2012 · 194 views

My mother lives in her own little bubble and cannot see anything outside her bubble. She has her views of the world and nothing can ever change them. No reason, no logic, or recorded evidence could change her view. She's never realized that living in her bubble harmed me. That by staying inside it, I was suffering. If she realized what she was doing,...


Confronting my abuser

Posted by thisisjay , 01 August 2012 · 167 views

Last year I found out my stepfather died. We were contacted by an insurance company because apparently my mother was still the person he listed. Turned out he died late December 2010. When I found out he was dead I was so relieved. I couldn't believe it, not until I was holding his death certificate in my hands. When we got it in the mail, I knew what...


Family Drama

Posted by thisisjay , in Family 24 July 2012 · 128 views

Yesterday was my mother's birthday. She turned 46. Two of my aunts, some cousins, my sister, and my grandmother came over with cake and ice cream. I usually avoid my family at all costs. I usually only see most of them a couple times a year. That's about all I can take. They're just so in-your-face about eveything, no subject is off limits, t...


Because it is bitter, And because it is my heart.

Posted by thisisjay , 07 July 2012 · 107 views

I've been thinking about the poem In the Desert by Stephen Crane. I really love this poem. It's one of my favorites. I guess because I relate to it. I just thought I would share it for those who don't know it.

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, beastial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said:...


Drowning in Homework

Posted by thisisjay , in School 02 July 2012 · 114 views

Taking a break from my homework for the moment. I've been at it all day. I'm only taking two summer classes but I feel like I'm drowning in all the homework I've been given. No matter how much I get done it seems like I have double that left to do.

In my first class I've finished all the reading I have to do for this week, but I'...



Posted by thisisjay , in Dreams 29 June 2012 · 124 views

I'm lying in my bed and it feels like I'm stuck. I can't move, can't get up. The door is wide open. I can see my mother and sister sitting right there not 20 feet away from me. They're at the kitchen table but they're not paying attention. Why can't they see me? Why can't they hear me calling? Don't they see it? There...



Posted by thisisjay , 26 June 2012 · 127 views

Why is it that so many of us seem to be insomniacs? I've noticed, and not for the first time, that many of the people on this site post in the early hours of the morning. I couldn't stop crying around 1 am last night. Most of my bad moment come early/late at night. It seems it's that way for a lot of people. Why is that? Is it because that...

Trigger Warning

I am not censoring anything I say in this blog so please be careful when you read it.

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