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Avoiding the Past

30 August 2012
Posted by thisisjay  
I've been kind of avoiding Pandy's lately. I just really haven't felt like being here. I've been checking in sparadically and not staying on the site very long. Lately when I've come here I've just read a couple non-intense posts, maybe responded to some status updates, and then quickly left the site. I think that I'm...
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Posted by thisisjay   in Family
My mother is one of the most infuriating people I know. She has a lot of issues. The one that's bugging me tonight is that she just does not want to deal with conflict. She took her car to an auto shop to get a few little things repaired today. One of the things that needed fixed was her driver's side light bulb. It went out and she bought...
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Important Events Timeline

23 August 2012
Posted by thisisjay   in School
So for one of my psych classes I have to make a little timeline of important events that happened in my life. Problem is all of the most important events in my life were not things I want to share.

My timeline would be something like this:

1991-Birth
Age 4-Mother divorces physically abusive father & marries child molester that treats me like...
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First Day Back to Classes

20 August 2012
Posted by thisisjay   in School
First of all thank you to all my pocket riders. Knowing that you are all so supportive and would jump in my pocket literally gave me strength and calmed my nerves today.It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. It never is I guess, but I always imagine the worst anyway.

Since it was the first day back to classes we got out of them...
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Could it be a memory?

19 August 2012
Posted by thisisjay   in Dreams
I had three dreams, as far as I can tell, last night. I guess I should have written them down earlier because I can't really remember much of them now. But the first one I had freaked me out and I needed time to toss it around in my brain for awhile. The other two don't really matter. I can only remember one little flash from the second...
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Posted by thisisjay  
My best friend was just here and I use that term loosely. We were close once, but not so much anymore. It's like that with all of my friends. I avoid seeing them because I feel so uncomfortable and ashamed around them. They all talk about how great their lives are and then ask me about mine but I never have anything to say. They all have other...
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Ungrateful

14 August 2012
Posted by thisisjay   in Family
My sister had the gall to call me ungrateful tonight. I do everything for her and everyone else. I always put everyone ahead of myself even when I know I shouldn't and I almost never get anything, not even a thank you. Then my sister or someone does me one little sort of kindness and gets all hissy with me because I'm not...
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My Mother's Bubble

05 August 2012
Posted by thisisjay   in Family
My mother lives in her own little bubble and cannot see anything outside her bubble. She has her views of the world and nothing can ever change them. No reason, no logic, or recorded evidence could change her view. She's never realized that living in her bubble harmed me. That by staying inside it, I was suffering. If she realized what she was...
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Confronting my abuser

01 August 2012
Posted by thisisjay  
Last year I found out my stepfather died. We were contacted by an insurance company because apparently my mother was still the person he listed. Turned out he died late December 2010. When I found out he was dead I was so relieved. I couldn't believe it, not until I was holding his death certificate in my hands. When we got it in the mail, I...
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Family Drama

24 July 2012
Posted by thisisjay   in Family
Yesterday was my mother's birthday. She turned 46. Two of my aunts, some cousins, my sister, and my grandmother came over with cake and ice cream. I usually avoid my family at all costs. I usually only see most of them a couple times a year. That's about all I can take. They're just so in-your-face about eveything, no subject is off...
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I am not censoring anything I say in this blog so please be careful when you read it.

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