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thisisjay's Blog


Being Poor

Posted by thisisjay , 20 September 2012 · 93 views

John Scazi wrote this essay that was linked to a Cnn article today. The essay is called "Being Poor." I found it on their website tonight. I just wanted to share it with you guys. It's really good and brought up quite a few memories.


P.S. It's not very long.


Why can't I stand up to my family?

Posted by thisisjay , in Family 14 September 2012 · 77 views

Why is it that when we're around family we seem trapped in the behaviors we had as children. Or am I the only one this happens to?

For example:

My Aunt M was right next door at my grandma's house. (Yes, unfortunately we live that close.) I had been home from classes for less than an hour. I always keep my phone on vibrate while in class and afte...


I told my mom I plan to leave her.

Posted by thisisjay , in Family 09 September 2012 · 99 views

I told my mom tonight that as soon as I can afford it I'm moving out. I told her that I'm going to leave and never come back. That as soon as I am able to get away from her she will never see me again. I was angry when I said it but I meant every word and it felt so good to finally say. I've wanted to say it to her for so long but I've hel...


Family Visits

Posted by thisisjay , in Family 03 September 2012 · 73 views

So some of my family members came over today for a Labor Day cookout. It wasn't supposed to be a extended family cookout but they like to invite themselves. My aunt K, her son W, and my gma invited themselves. I hate when they come over and they do so all the time. I always feel like I have to hide in my room. It's bad enough I have to deal with m...


Avoiding the Past

Posted by thisisjay , 30 August 2012 · 114 views

I've been kind of avoiding Pandy's lately. I just really haven't felt like being here. I've been checking in sparadically and not staying on the site very long. Lately when I've come here I've just read a couple non-intense posts, maybe responded to some status updates, and then quickly left the site. I think that I'm trying to...


Why do I even have to deal with this?

Posted by thisisjay , in Family 25 August 2012 · 70 views

My mother is one of the most infuriating people I know. She has a lot of issues. The one that's bugging me tonight is that she just does not want to deal with conflict. She took her car to an auto shop to get a few little things repaired today. One of the things that needed fixed was her driver's side light bulb. It went out and she bought a new o...


Important Events Timeline

Posted by thisisjay , in School 23 August 2012 · 82 views

So for one of my psych classes I have to make a little timeline of important events that happened in my life. Problem is all of the most important events in my life were not things I want to share.

My timeline would be something like this:

Age 4-Mother divorces physically abusive father & marries child molester that treats me like his sla...


First Day Back to Classes

Posted by thisisjay , in School 20 August 2012 · 91 views

First of all thank you to all my pocket riders. Knowing that you are all so supportive and would jump in my pocket literally gave me strength and calmed my nerves today.It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. It never is I guess, but I always imagine the worst anyway.

Since it was the first day back to classes we got out of them early whic...


Could it be a memory?

Posted by thisisjay , in Dreams 19 August 2012 · 97 views

I had three dreams, as far as I can tell, last night. I guess I should have written them down earlier because I can't really remember much of them now. But the first one I had freaked me out and I needed time to toss it around in my brain for awhile. The other two don't really matter. I can only remember one little flash from the second dream. It...


My Friend's Dating An Abuser

Posted by thisisjay , 16 August 2012 · 130 views

My best friend was just here and I use that term loosely. We were close once, but not so much anymore. It's like that with all of my friends. I avoid seeing them because I feel so uncomfortable and ashamed around them. They all talk about how great their lives are and then ask me about mine but I never have anything to say. They all have other friends...

Trigger Warning

I am not censoring anything I say in this blog so please be careful when you read it.

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