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Anger fades

Posted by thisisjay , in Family 30 December 2012 · 315 views

I've often made comments in a joking manner about putting my mom in a nursing home if she ever gets too old to take care of herself. I say it jokingly, but I would. I think she knows that I'm serious too. She said something tonight about me needing to watch out for karma if I did. And it made me so angry. Sometimes she is so oblivious....scratch that she is always oblivious about what she's done to me, about the pain she still causes me. As if karma would make me pay for not wanting to take care of the mother who wouldn't take care of me as a child. The evidence of my abuse was right in her face pratically smacking her in the face and she ignored it. Never asked questions, never acknowledged anything that might shatter her idea of her perfect family. Sometimes I hate her so much for allowing herself to be so blind. Every word out of her mouth just stokes the fire inside me. Then because I have no outlet for my anger I usually end up bursting into tears. That's all I have, anger that fades to quickly into tears and tears that leave me with a headache and emptyness.

Some people believe that anger is a covering emotion - I do.

This means that there is something lying underneath it. I hear pain in your post, the pain of a child who was ignored. It come out in the tears of an abandoned child and ends up in the direct pain of a headache. Headache and emptiness. Pain and abandonment.

Thinking of you.

Thank you Susanna. :)

Trigger Warning

I am not censoring anything I say in this blog so please be careful when you read it.

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