Is it better to be safe?
My mom doesn't get that. She'd rather be safe. She would rather stay unsatisfied with her life and do/get nothing as long as she's safe. I really do believe that it's better to take risks. I want to believe that life is worth the risk but she makes me doubt myself. If I don't believe life is worth the risk, then what the hell am I still doing here? Why am I fighting?
It makes me so angry that she's like this because I don't want to be like her. I want to take chances and not be afraid to live. And I realized that the reason I was so angry with her for being this way is because she's making me this way. She keeps me afraid. Everytime I want to do something she trys to talk me out of it because it might not be safe. And I'm angry that she's so afraid of life that she wants to make me this way too.
I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to not be her. I constantly doubt myself because that's the way she raised me. I sometimes wonder if I'm making the right decisions or if I'm just doing or not doing something because of her. I don't know how to be who I want to be.