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I told my mom tonight that as soon as I can afford it I'm moving out. I told her that I'm going to leave and never come back. That as soon as I am able to get away from her she will never see me again. I was angry when I said it but I meant every word and it felt so good to finally say. I've wanted to say it to her for so long but I've held my tongue. Tonight she made me so angry that I couldn't anymore and she didn't even believe me. She was angry too. Angry that I was telling her she was wrong I guess. She said "good" and "so what". I could tell that she just thought I was saying it out of anger, but everything I've ever said to her out of anger I've meant and eventually saw it through. I guess she just chooses not to remember that.
I am so so tired of having to live with this family. I just really need to get away from them. I'm just so sick of the way I'm treated. I'm sick of having to deal with the way they treat each other. I spent last night crying myself to sleep because of them. I've spent too many nights doing that. I don't even want to talk about what it is that's happened now. I just don't see the point it all the same. It's always the same.
It's weekends like this that really make me regret not living on campus. I chose to live at home because I only live a half an hour away from the school and knew it would save me about $10 thousand dollars or so a year to just live at home. I really regret that now. Not only because I feel like an outsider there sometimes and I think living there would help me fit in and make friends more but also because I really need to get away from my family. I hope I can.
I am so so tired of having to live with this family. I just really need to get away from them. I'm just so sick of the way I'm treated. I'm sick of having to deal with the way they treat each other. I spent last night crying myself to sleep because of them. I've spent too many nights doing that. I don't even want to talk about what it is that's happened now. I just don't see the point it all the same. It's always the same.
It's weekends like this that really make me regret not living on campus. I chose to live at home because I only live a half an hour away from the school and knew it would save me about $10 thousand dollars or so a year to just live at home. I really regret that now. Not only because I feel like an outsider there sometimes and I think living there would help me fit in and make friends more but also because I really need to get away from my family. I hope I can.
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Trigger Warning
I am not censoring anything I say in this blog so please be careful when you read it.
I think it is great that you are planning to get out as soon as you can afford it. It sounds like a great way to take care of you, and that is what's most important--you.
I'm sorry that your mom is treating you so poorly but just hold on to your hope. You have a plan! which is way more then you had before and that puts you one step closer to reaching your goal.
until then were always here, and I hope things calm down around there until you can get out.
Missophelia, thanks for calling me brave. I don't feel like it. I hope someday we both get away from our mothers.
Sherodon, I only live thirty minutes away from campus so my family would come there to visit me all the time and I would have to listen to my family call me stupid for taking out more loans when I can live at home. Plus I'm already taking out loans for my tuition and I calculated it out before the semester started and with the loans I'm getting right now I wouldn't have enough to cover living on campus. I don't really see the point taking out more money when they could easily come bug me and they definately would.