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So some of my family members came over today for a Labor Day cookout. It wasn't supposed to be a extended family cookout but they like to invite themselves. My aunt K, her son W, and my gma invited themselves. I hate when they come over and they do so all the time. I always feel like I have to hide in my room. It's bad enough I have to deal with my mother and my sister's abuse I don't need to add them to the mix. If I don't hide in my room I'm pretty much sitting there the entire time ignored and uncomfortable as they talk about everything. They have absolutely no personal boundries and don't share my views on most things.
A few days ago when they were here I had to listen to their conversation on animal abuse. On how they would abuse/kill a cat if it scratched them. Despite how many times they said it I don't think they would actually do most of the stuff they said they would do but I can definately see them slapping/kicking a cat if it scratched them.
I was also there for their conversation on my bio father and all of his physical abuse. Mainly how they all saw it happening and didn't do anything. I couldn't take it anymore when they started talking about my stepfather. I had to leave the room. I didn't think I'd be able to hide the look on my face if they mentioned anything about him.
There's also the fact that I have to listen to my grandmother go on and on about what I choose to watch on tv or read. According to her I'm filling my brain with trash and I'm going to regret it one day. Okay it's not like I'm watching endless slasher movies (although I do enjoy those). Most of the tv I watch/books I read are like cop/catch the bad guy shows. Yes, there is killing in them but the good guys almost always catch the bad guys.
That above was a tame good day with my family. Today when they came over I just went in my room. I just didn't feel like dealing with them today. Okay, rereading over this it doesn't seem that bad. At least not considering how my family usually is. Maybe I'm overreacting. They're all gone now. They decided to go get ice cream. I wasn't invited. Apparently there's not enough room in the car for me.
Sometimes I wish I was more like them. I wish I shared their views on things. I as I am now wouldn't like that person but at least I would have people who I liked being around, people that I fit in with. I always just feel like an outsider. At least I would have one place I fit in.
A few days ago when they were here I had to listen to their conversation on animal abuse. On how they would abuse/kill a cat if it scratched them. Despite how many times they said it I don't think they would actually do most of the stuff they said they would do but I can definately see them slapping/kicking a cat if it scratched them.
I was also there for their conversation on my bio father and all of his physical abuse. Mainly how they all saw it happening and didn't do anything. I couldn't take it anymore when they started talking about my stepfather. I had to leave the room. I didn't think I'd be able to hide the look on my face if they mentioned anything about him.
There's also the fact that I have to listen to my grandmother go on and on about what I choose to watch on tv or read. According to her I'm filling my brain with trash and I'm going to regret it one day. Okay it's not like I'm watching endless slasher movies (although I do enjoy those). Most of the tv I watch/books I read are like cop/catch the bad guy shows. Yes, there is killing in them but the good guys almost always catch the bad guys.
That above was a tame good day with my family. Today when they came over I just went in my room. I just didn't feel like dealing with them today. Okay, rereading over this it doesn't seem that bad. At least not considering how my family usually is. Maybe I'm overreacting. They're all gone now. They decided to go get ice cream. I wasn't invited. Apparently there's not enough room in the car for me.
Sometimes I wish I was more like them. I wish I shared their views on things. I as I am now wouldn't like that person but at least I would have people who I liked being around, people that I fit in with. I always just feel like an outsider. At least I would have one place I fit in.
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Trigger Warning
I am not censoring anything I say in this blog so please be careful when you read it.
