My Friend's Dating An Abuser
Anyway back to my friend, let's call her A. Everytime I see her she asks, "How's the love life?" I always say the same thing, that it's nonexistant. I just don't understand why she always needs to bring this up. It makes me feel like a giant freak. She knows my history. She just doens't understand that it affects me to this day. I would try and explain this to her but I'm not comfortable with her knowing that much. I don't trust her to keep the secret. She broke my trust once before and I haven't trusted her with that much information since. Also because even back when I was telling her everything she never seemed to care. A is the type of person who likes attention. Everytime I would try to talk about myself she would spin the subject back to her, no matter what we talk about.
A has a boyfriend. She's had a parade of boyfriends since we were fifteen. I remember when she got her first one and how much she would brag about everything they did. She still does that. All her boyfriends were slightly abusive in my opinion. But this new one is the worst. He is absolutely awful. He's abusive. He hits her, threatens her, talks down to her. He got her into drugs. He's constantly getting arrested and he has no money so she always has to bail him out. He's completely destroyed her life. Since she met him her family has kicked her out, she dropped out of college, and lost several jobs. She's living out of her car. He's a complete mooch. He uses all her money for drugs and tries to control her life. And she's planning on marrying him!
What worries me is that she doesn't see how awful he is. She's completely head over heals and love. She doesn't realize that he's abusive. Her family tried to point out how abusive she was, several people did, but she just got angry, denied it and cut them off. She's just now started talking to them again as long as they don't comment on him. I want to shake her and get her to see him clearly but I'm afraid she cut me off too. I know that's what would happen if I commented on her relationship. She would probably start throwing in my face that at least she had a boyfriend and stuff like that. It's the type of person she is now. I've tried to subltly insert comments about his abusivness but it's hard to do now because he's always with her, always right there. Most of the time I just avoid her because I can barely stand to be around her. She acts like her life is so much better than mine and I know it isn't but she makes me feel inadequate. I don't know how to help her and I don't know if being around her is really even good for me given the way she makes me feel. I don't want to just abandon her because she's one of the few friends I have even though she's not much of a friend. I'm also hoping that one day she'll wake up and leave this loser and I know she'll need me if she does. I think she needs me now. All of our other friends abandoned her long ago. I just don't know what to do.