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But now that he is dead, I will never get to confront him. He spent the last years of his life in some hospital nursing home place that was in a different state. As I got older I often thought of tracking the place down and confronting him. But, I didn't learn to drive until I was nineteen and since no one new about what he did to me I couldn't just ask people to take me to him. I had thought about doing it after I got my liscense but knew my mother would never let me take her car for that long. Not that it would have mattered anyway because he died two months before I got my liscense.
Lately, I've been thinking more and more about needing to confront him, needing to tell him how much he hurt me, scream at him, and demand answers. I've thought about writing a letter expressing everything and then just burning it to get it all out of me. I don't know if that would be satisfying enough though. I've also thought about finding his grave and setting it on fire. Or just finding his grave and talking at it. I think I've become set on just finding out where he was buried, going there and seeing what comes of it. I feel like I need some type of closure but I don't think I'm ever going to get it. I don't even know how to go about finding his grave.
If anybody that read this did get to confront their abuser, how did it feel? Was it worth it?