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The first instance came when my Aunt M told me I needed to get a job so that I can help out my mom. They mention this everytime they see me. Yes, I know I need a job. I would like to have money sometimes, but I can't get one. I've been trying since I was 15. I live in a really small town that's surrounded by even smaller towns. There are no jobs here. On the rare occasions there have been jobs available I've applied for them. But no one will hire me because I don't have any experience and I can't get it because no one will hire me. They act like I'm actively trying not to work because I'm a lazy bum.
They second instance came when one of my cousins had forgotten to put on deoderant and smelled really bad. Then my mother started announcing to everyone that I were clinical deodarent and that's what Aunt R should get for cousin C. She kept repeating it over and over the was she does until someone responds to her getting louder each time. Do you know how embarrasing that is? I don't want my personal issues announced to everbody. I've told her this several times but she does it anyway. They made me embarrassed with that imagine how my cousin felt with them scolding and shaming her.
The next instance came when they pissed off another cousin, A.I'm not sure why she got mad because I left the room and when I came back she was storming out of the house. Then after she left they started talking about her like she was being a child for not agreeing with them. She stayed outside in the over 100 degree weather rather than face them and their mocking.
Then why she was outside her sister, M decided to bring up another thing A had done before they got to my house. Apparently A had texed M something about church sucking. M got all outraged and scolded her saying "A how can you say that he's our father..." Now I don't even know when M suddenly got all religious, she doesn't even go to church, but her mother goes ever Sunday. She goes because she made some deal with God to and make cousins A and C go with her even though A's been opposed to it from the begining. Now this issue had happened before the party. I don't know why cousin M decided to bring it up there in front of my bible fanatic grandmother and Aunt M. She probably did it because A was outside and they were already talking about her.
Now I have no problem with people believing whatever they want to believe but I do have a problem with people not respecting other's beliefs. That's something my family has always had a problem with. If you disagree with them they all gang up and bully and belittle you into agreeing with them. That's why I keep my beliefs to myself. Unfortunately A is at that age where she likes to be defiant. So while A was outside they all talked about her and complimented cousin M for scolding A for what she said. Cousin M liked the attention and kept bringing it up over and over again.
I wish I had the courage to stand up to them and defend everyone's right to believe what they want to belive but I clammed up and sat there hoping they wouldn't ask me why I never went to church. I figured A was outside and probably only said it to be defiant so it didn't matter. I was more concerned with my own self preservation. I know that if they had asked me the conversation would have gotten much fiercer and I would have been attack mercilessly and then my beliefs would have spread throughout the family and the subject would have come up at every family get together so they could all attack me because that's what my family likes to do. I'm not being at all dramatic about them doing this. They've done it before to me on other subjects and I'm afraid of it happening again. That's why I do my best to stay away from them.
All of this happened in less than two hours. Maybe I'm being overdramatic and this is normal amongst families but I don't like it and I don't think it's how people should behave. I'm not proud of not standing up for anyone including myself while I'm with them but I'm afraid of them. This was one of the good days with them. They can get much much worse believe me. Sometimes I wish I had the resources to move far away and just cut everyone out of my life. That's part of the reason I've chosen to work towards a career I know I'll have to move away to have. I just wish they didn't scare me so much. If I can't stand up to my family how will I ever be the person I want to be?