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Sigh (just more thoughts)

04 January 2013
Posted by writer2010  
It is weird that I sometimes still google the definition of sexual abuse and came across one that said older sibling with younger sibling and one who dominates control, etc. and that made me realize more that I was abused. Maybe, I almost want to find out that I was NOT and that I am daydreaming or something. I still wonder too how he and my dad...
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Posted by writer2010  
Need to get outside 0__0


But been wanting to take it easy since anxiety/stress/worries got real BAD this month. Been watching "Mad Men" but think I may just stop watching. First season was AWESOME and love the costumes and set design but my too many seasons to catch up! Also, I saw "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" and...
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Another day

28 December 2012
Posted by writer2010  
So, hoping that I keep coming here to post a blog/"vent." I think I woke up a bit sick yesterday and seem to almost feel worse this morning; but now, I feel okay. Ever since anxiety/stress/worries I need to take it slow. I still get the occasional somewhat fast heart beat--like I am about to present a speech or something in front of...
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He stayed two nights here

27 December 2012
Posted by writer2010  
So, been knocking on wood whenever I say this but feel as though that in a "way" my nerves/stress/worries has gradually "diminished" mainly due to school be done; but I still get the jitters or whatever. Anyway, Christmas day was the "first" day I was actually out of the house since last Monday--although, I had tried...
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My turn

24 December 2012
Posted by writer2010  
So, it is official. Me not telling anyone is truly affecting me way more than I had intended it to be. I feel like my throat tightens and get clammy hands for not "venting." It had all started around Thanksgiving after seeing my mother send out a photo of the three of us (him) as a card and that is when I suppose these...
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Should have known better

20 December 2012
Posted by writer2010  
My mom seems to be acting like bringing up HIS name and even around for the holidays like "we are one big happy family." Makes me a bit pissed--trying not to waste my breathe--but I need to let her know that I have a reason to not want to talk to him or my father because they had abused me. I just feel like I am lying a lot of the...
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The World

18 December 2012
Posted by writer2010  
Sometimes I feel guilty feeling the way I do, especially with the school shooting in CT and a gun man who shot in the parking lot in Newport, CA. Watching the news just makes me realize -- do not mean to offend anyone -- just how much society is really messed up. I hate to say, but after talking to a pastor recently as well as reading a daily...
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Bummed

14 December 2012
Posted by writer2010  
I called the local church after hesitating for so long and spoke with a very kind Pastor and only told him that I have been stressing and getting bad anxiety due to finals coming up and the past (abused by father and brother). The only thing I was advised was to start coming to church an pray pray for others, especially those who have done me...
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A minor vent

11 December 2012
Posted by writer2010  
So, been having a bit of that "nervous" and stress feeling. This past week was BAD with the worrying, stress and anxiety. Made me mad and upset that I got like this. But, I did call the local church and a therapist, whom was recommended by another survivor website, but was unable to reach either of them. They both, however, called...
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Burned Out

06 December 2012
Posted by writer2010  
I have been feeling like "lightheaded" since last Thursday. I am now thinking that it is just stress and worrying so much from everything. Life. Past and Present and Future. I have contacted a therapist, but unfortunately he lives in a different state; but was referred to him by an association for sexual abuse survivors.



I will be...
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