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Its been a while

11 May 2013
Posted by writer2010  
Yesterday was one of the first times when I went over to a friend's house for a good 8-9 hours. Been a while since 'hanging' out with friends elsewhere due to anxiety and that 'fear' of having an attack around friends. I guess to 'save' the embarrassment or something. Plus with finals these last two weeks, my T told me...
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Posted by writer2010  
...I seem a bit 'calmer' since I HATE overthinking it. Usually I would be all freaking out when the holidays come because of HIM who shows up and with Mother's Day, ugh! I told my T this last week and she mentioned that with me in finals weeks, that I kind of already have an 'excuse' not to do anything. Also, my mom said to...
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Black sheep

06 May 2013
Posted by writer2010  
I feel like my family hates me. I do blame myself a lot for things that have happened. I wonder if I am the crazy person and the abuser. I sometimes hate myself event though I know I shouldnt. I just want these emotions to go away and those two to just admit to their faults (especially A.G.R.) I just want to be happy.

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I still wonder

03 May 2013
Posted by writer2010  
About it and how it will come out to others. Sometimes, I do not want my mom to know just because of all of the other stuff that had happened. All of this family stuff just annoys me. I get every family has its "demons" to battle but I just feel like this is never ending. I feel bad at times since I do feel ashamed of my family (not all)...
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So powerful

01 May 2013
Posted by writer2010  
"Our prayers are only as powerful as our lives. In the long
pull we pray only as well as we live."
~ A. W. Tozer~

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Posted by writer2010  
"Sometimes your body gets sick so that you are forced to slow down and become aware of the messages of your heart and the desires of your spirit. Only when you step outside from the daily treadmill, can you attune to these more subtle inner callings. Don’t wait to get sick before listening to these important inner messages."



So rest I...
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Need a break

21 April 2013
Posted by writer2010  
school seriously bores and stresses me out. Since the six classes last semester and long days on campus burned me out two weeks before finals and this possibly triggered me to have anxiety, I just find myself wanting to ditch school a lot. I missed all of last week due to neck strain and got doctors note. But even though I was able to go out...
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A sign of forgiveness

13 April 2013
Posted by writer2010  
Sometimes I still feel "Guilty" whenever I hear passages about forgiveness; but when people do not "know" what had exactly happened with those two, I wonder if it still counts. Well, a few weeks ago, way before I saw a therapist and found out about having real bad allergies and anxiety and was stressed because of school, I was...
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Frustrated

10 April 2013
Posted by writer2010  
Anxiety issues. Tired. Stress. Annoyed. I know I have anger to an extent but I just feel like it exhausts me more to be angry and I dont know, I just find it a waste. Just want to know that things get better and that there is hope to live with this and know that I have a future. Thats what scares me because from the time I was a child, I always...
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Had a semi realization

04 April 2013
Posted by writer2010  
So, I left my therapist a message that for weeks, this family stuff and sexual abuse has been on my mind for a while. The whole worrying, wondering, self-doubting kind of thing. But she called when I did not hear my phone and after listening to her message, she suggested self-healing and that this week (tomorrow) we will start discussing about the...
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