I can do this
Lately, although I get my bad moments where all of this from the abuse by brother and dad and the family crap, I have been seeing just how far I have come! I mean sometimes when I feel so low like kicked to the curb, I will literally sag aloud look what came out of this stuff. Something that I am do GRATEFUL for is that I never have up on writing but wrote more when I realized that I was sexually abused by my brother and mistreated for years by a lot of people.
It makes me think of that quote from the film, "American Beauty" where the main character comes to his revelation of being mad versus enjoying life to the fullest. It's cliche but beautiful because it's true. I guess I'm actually starting to, as weird as it sounds, like myself for me. For years I wished I was someone else-at least to an extent-and although I do feel ashamed and embarrassed for stuff that had happened, I am starting to see that I had no control over A LOT of things and it is not my fault.
I do feel like a coward at times since my mom doesn't know that I was sexually abused by her son-or at least she pretends she doesn't know-since I choke with those two words. I did tell her that my brother took advantage of me for 6-7 years and that I was surprised she didn't know already since it's obvious. Plus, I did say that he abused me and once I said that he abused me in EVERY way possible and she said I know with this pain look in her eyes like she didn't even want to admit to it. That's why I somewhat feel like she either knows or won't be surprise if I decide to tell her flat out.
Guess I'm tired of living my life as a victim. Because " we may not chose where we come from, but we sure as he'll can chose where we go from there."