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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
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My mom seems to be acting like bringing up HIS name and even around for the holidays like "we are one big happy family." Makes me a bit pissed--trying not to waste my breathe--but I need to let her know that I have a reason to not want to talk to him or my father because they had abused me. I just feel like I am lying a lot of the times--like I am at fault. Sometimes too--hate to admit--I feel like I had sexually abused/assualted my brother. I told my cousin this too a few weeks ago and she was the one, as well as my aunt, who both said that I did not; but still, I feel like this a lot just because I would initiate a lot of the moments. I guess I am still struggling with the self-guilt because it had happened on and off from the time I was about 6-14 years old. Just makes me mad still and know that these feelings will never leave. I am hoping that I stick to my word and go to church; but I just do not want to be a hypocrite and go to church and carry all of this anger, etc. towards my brother and father. I am just wanting to cry a bit too since I texted my mom to ask where the vacuum was and her response was "it's in [brother's] room. Go in. It's not lock." So, I responded "No thanks. Not my room. Why would I go in there?"
I guess because she does not "know" --clearly seems to prove a lot of the times that she will never open her goddamn eyes or flat out ask--about the abuse, I feel as though that I need to "prove" to her that just because he is her son and yes, those two are considered to be my father and brother, they have disrespected me for YEARS! I am just tired of this b.s. Seriously, I love my mom but sometimes I just want to scream at her because she plays that whole everything is fine and ignores it. I mean when those two come around, father just drops off my brother and leaves--he even came up to the front door while my mom's boyfriend was here, someone he had jumped a few years back.
I even told a pastor too that I am just too tired of the fights and arguing. And what shocked me too was the fact that he told me that sometimes it is best to "avoid" these people, assuming that it is better not to fight. I just feel betrayed and just keep telling myself that there are good people and kind-hearted individuals in the world.
I try to admit to my faults. I am no saint. I have self-inflicted, cursed, used God's name in vain and have not attended church for a bit over than two years. I just do not want to waste my time and talk to that "wall" everytime my mother pulls that whole card on making me feel like I am just exaggerating or lying even.
I know that I will possibly see why this had all happened; but I just fear that I will have a lonely road. I just want to be "content" and be surrounded by people who actually will listen and love me for who I am--especially my faults. I just feel like whenever people vent--and about in my opinion stupid stuff--I listen. But times when I needed someone to listen--although yes, there were moments when people did--I get judged.
Just need to say this but f*** those who act like that even one's household does not have abuse because if anything, ABUSE occurs more often amongst close family members--blood or not--and it hurts so much as time goes on.
I guess because she does not "know" --clearly seems to prove a lot of the times that she will never open her goddamn eyes or flat out ask--about the abuse, I feel as though that I need to "prove" to her that just because he is her son and yes, those two are considered to be my father and brother, they have disrespected me for YEARS! I am just tired of this b.s. Seriously, I love my mom but sometimes I just want to scream at her because she plays that whole everything is fine and ignores it. I mean when those two come around, father just drops off my brother and leaves--he even came up to the front door while my mom's boyfriend was here, someone he had jumped a few years back.
I even told a pastor too that I am just too tired of the fights and arguing. And what shocked me too was the fact that he told me that sometimes it is best to "avoid" these people, assuming that it is better not to fight. I just feel betrayed and just keep telling myself that there are good people and kind-hearted individuals in the world.
I try to admit to my faults. I am no saint. I have self-inflicted, cursed, used God's name in vain and have not attended church for a bit over than two years. I just do not want to waste my time and talk to that "wall" everytime my mother pulls that whole card on making me feel like I am just exaggerating or lying even.
I know that I will possibly see why this had all happened; but I just fear that I will have a lonely road. I just want to be "content" and be surrounded by people who actually will listen and love me for who I am--especially my faults. I just feel like whenever people vent--and about in my opinion stupid stuff--I listen. But times when I needed someone to listen--although yes, there were moments when people did--I get judged.
Just need to say this but f*** those who act like that even one's household does not have abuse because if anything, ABUSE occurs more often amongst close family members--blood or not--and it hurts so much as time goes on.
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