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Also, just as we arrived there, I was being a smartass and eventually he said that dad has been sober for two years all defensive and I was just too tired to argue with an idiot so I left; but that is what made me cry was the fact that I should have spilled the sexual abuse or snapped at him then.
I am just struggling and I just hate the holidays. I almost want to be with friends now on those days so at least they know that I went through bowl shit from those two so it will not feel so goddamn fake. I know a lot of people have the holiday I do not want to see so and so, but I really do not want to be around family when the beans are spilled. Especially since I do not "work" so I am being 100% financially supported by my mom which makes me feel bad at times but that is why I told her yesterday that I want to move out soon because I just need to be out on my own. Away from certain people.
And then I wonder to myself, why give those two the pleasure like see you made me runaway. I guess I almost want there to be drama so I know that I am not going crazy or imagining this crap. Especially since my dad even came to the front door to ring the bell when my mom's fiance was still here. Long story short, my dad punched my mom's boyfriend a few years back and he tried to brainwash me and him that my mom's boyfriend was a bad person, etc. So that is why I am somewhat relieved that my mom is marrying him-cousin pointed this out-because brother and dad will be around "less."