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Also, my abuser came by the other day to pick up some stuff, according to my mom, and was out in about 5-10 minutes. I am not quite sure since I went into my bedroom and closed the door with my ipod in my ears. Also, I have class late until the night on Tuesdays and asked my mother when I came home what she did and of course she said she had dinner with Andrew-my abuser-but she was "yawning" as she said it.
It is the elephant in the room with her on him since I no longer raise my voice or tell her not to talk about him. Just tired of wasting my breath since it is like I am talking to the wall or myself in the mirror.
I do feel guilt still but mainly because of me not telling my mother flat out that him and I had intercourse but it still makes me shudder and sick like wondering if I am making it up but I know that I am not. The "bright side" is that I had confronted Andrew about a year ago and since then, HE CANNOT EVEN LOOK AT ME nor COMES NEAR ME-with the exception of 4th of July after he got a few drinks into him.
Excuse me for my language but I SERIOUSLY have a lot of anger and most likely hatred towards my family. Just feeling betrayed and used especially since my grandfather's death.
Is wrong of me that I just want to give all of them the finger but telling them that I still love them-they just need to f*** off!