So, it looks like another Friday night at home. I feel bad since plans got changed to go to beach and then to head over to a friend's house. I did not feel like going really since I just didn't feel like driving and all. I will admit, I am a "cheap" driver mainly because I stress about gas and how I cannot pay for it myself although my mom always says not too "worry" but in reality, there have been a few times when she pulled those "stunts" were she all of a sudden did not have gas money for me. I suppose like many of you who have children want them to just focus on school if they are going full time and my mom tells me the same, but it bothers me. Honestly, I rarely ask for cash to go out-just for gas. So, I have been looking for jobs and internships and not much luck. Just get a bit bummed since I always get these "moments" when I realize how much of a work-alcoholic I am and how it seems like people get mad if I do not go somewhere. I just feel more and more awkward or something around my high school friends, but yet again I guess only a few of them were truly my friends like many of you had gone through too. Sorry, I do not mean to complain but I just want a fresh start like many of you and for beginners I know that is to move out but it just seems impossible with school and people not really looking for workers. I don't know. I guess all this "stuff" that has happened has been making me more upset and angry as usual since I always wonder why did that or this happen. Why cannot I feel normal? Christ I am 20 and now I am worried how I will be like in another 10 years. I am seriously weird compared to the rest of the 20 year old girls.