Pandora's Aquarium: Burned out a bit - Pandora's Aquarium

I've been feeling kind of off since two days ago. School ends tomorrow and then regular school starts on the 27th. So yay, two weeks of actually "break time." I am still looking for an internship and I get mad/bummed whenever I open my gmail and do not see respond back from that one place who I want to intern for. Also, lately, I have been feeling like-do not mean to be gross-that I have all this gunk and tension in my throat/chest. I mean, I had this problem a few years back and doctor saw food and another time, my new doctor-female-saw nothing. Heard that this is common amongst people with stress or too many worries. It is weird too since I am not "pulling out my hair" or screaming from all the stuff that is happening. I do not know-maybe it is a relieve feeling too since sometimes, I just see that "light" or the "happier" days approaching. Anyway, I slept in today, actually took advantage of staying up late to watch one of my TV shows on-demand. Will try to rest-even though I have a tough time in actually relaxing-for my last days of summer. Feel like a zombie at times-still adjusting to everything since it seems like my mom really does not want anything to do with him. Good and bad and weird. Mainly what did it for her-could be wrong-is the fact that he all of a sudden wants nothing to do with her boyfriend, whom my father punched 5 years ago over nothing and would brag about to EVERYONE, and someone who my mother is planning to wed sometime down the line. It is so disgusting since about the things my father would say to me and my abuser about my mom's boyfriend like "go live with him! F***k you guys! Have him be your father." I am just wanting to be out on my own to get away from this crap. I honestly get the feeling that once I leave, sometimes, I think that I will not ever come back or the "visiting days" will be diminished. I think I will give all of them the bird when I do reach my lifetime goal too of becoming a writer since too many times I am "brainwashed" according to them.