Pandora's Aquarium: Been wanting to ask... - Pandora's Aquarium

This has been on my mind ever since I was in high school and especially when I first admitted to being sexually taken advantage of, but how do you date? I know this is very simple, but growing up, I have had "crushes" or "flirted" but I was never like my friends who "hooked up" with boy to boy or ran their lives around them. I used to say that I never wanted to drag a boy into my life due to my father's drinking and abuse so I know that is part of the reason why I "gave up" in ways to pursue someone. Now, I am 20 and still never had a boyfriend nor close to actually being intimate with someone I suppose. I just get bummed since it seems like all girls speak about is boys and sex and I just feel guilty and ashamed and embarrassed since I fill my days with school, writing, or applying to internships and jobs. I sometimes feel self-conscious, thinking I am too fat, ugly or just guys do not like me since I have no boobs or etc. Just get scared since I always have this feeling that I will end up "alone" or never letting my guard down. There is already family b**l s**t and it always seems to just continue and wish I could stay out of it, but when it is amongst "close family" kind of impossible so this is why I grew "trust issues" since the ones closest to me seemed to have hurt me the most.


Sorry to b***h but just need to know that this is perhaps "normal" that people who have or are going through this had "guard issues" with dating, sex, etc.