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I was feeling stressed anyway today, keeping busy all day, but that was until I woke up from my afternoon nap and saw that my mother was getting ready to see him. I wish I could kid myself and say that I do not care on how she has been gone with him for the past 5-7 hours but it kills me on the inside. I want to scream but only a few tears. I keep replying the possible answers on what everyone's reaction will be when I open my mouth. I find family as a joke sometimes because all it ever seems like I have been hearing from the moment I was 8 was who is the bad parents, who is a drunk, an addict, a whore, or a slut. I always get these thoughts of taking my important values and just taking off and never coming back. I usually see it done in the movies or hear it in real life since I almost want people to see that the smiley face I put on is all bowl shit. That, I am not ok and although I appreciate a lot that certain individuals have done for me, I still feel this need to start fresh. Call it selfish, but being honest.
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