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A sign of forgiveness

13 April 2013
Posted by writer2010  
Sometimes I still feel "Guilty" whenever I hear passages about forgiveness; but when people do not "know" what had exactly happened with those two, I wonder if it still counts. Well, a few weeks ago, way before I saw a therapist and found out about having real bad allergies and anxiety and was stressed because of school, I was...
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Frustrated

10 April 2013
Posted by writer2010  
Anxiety issues. Tired. Stress. Annoyed. I know I have anger to an extent but I just feel like it exhausts me more to be angry and I dont know, I just find it a waste. Just want to know that things get better and that there is hope to live with this and know that I have a future. Thats what scares me because from the time I was a child, I always...
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Had a semi realization

04 April 2013
Posted by writer2010  
So, I left my therapist a message that for weeks, this family stuff and sexual abuse has been on my mind for a while. The whole worrying, wondering, self-doubting kind of thing. But she called when I did not hear my phone and after listening to her message, she suggested self-healing and that this week (tomorrow) we will start discussing about the...
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Posted by writer2010  
Sad. Mad. Frustrated. Everything! Ugh! Just wonder if I am making up about the abuse from brother. I mean I find myself time to time even googling the word and when I come across a few of the "triggers," I answer yes to a few of them. I feel kind of sick for putting this and admitting but my brother masturbated in front of me...
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Keep thinking about it

01 April 2013
Posted by writer2010  
As in it it. It does not make me panic or anything like that (not that I am getting my hopes up) but I recall those moments when it had happened. I do not know if I am just disgusted; guilty; sad or just shocked that it had all happened for more than five years. I knew I was about 5-6 or maybe even 7 when he first did what he did in front of...
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Tired

29 March 2013
Posted by writer2010  
I do not know if it is because of midterms and I have one more assignment to go or because of yesterday evening when my mom got all mad. I get scared because this is the second time within a two month period where my mind goes to dark thoughts; but what is weird that both times, I snapped out of it when I watched "depressing" stuff. ...
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Posted by writer2010  
What the f***! I am seriously not knowing WHO and WHAT to believe at times with my f***** father's side of the family. Ever since my grandpa passed in April, it has been NONSTOP court battles with my dad, who brings in my lovely brother and his second eldest sister and her husband, and his eldest sister and her daughter and husband. I...
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Been attending classes

12 March 2013
Posted by writer2010  
Grr. Something my therapist tells me to do b/c with the anxiety, I would either leave early or not go at all. As weird as it sounds too, I think I got anxiety too b/c I kept thinking what if I just went to class, etc. Anyway, trying not to get my hopes high or be negative either. But, jeez all of this worrying, stress and fears of the future...
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Just chat

10 March 2013
Posted by writer2010  
So just want to chat about the past few days. Been going to school; therapist weekly. Writing as much as possible. Just tired of feeling like crap/ashamed/guilty/mad/sad over these events that have occured for quite some time. I just need to learn that I did not have control over a lot of situations. They know what they did; reason why...
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Grrr

28 February 2013
Posted by writer2010  
So the anxiety is back (fast heart beat and clammy palms; but mainly the swift heart beat). I just told me friend about having anxiety a few minutes ago and was a bit relieved-even though that sounds mean-when she said that her dad has been struggling with anxiety for years and like me a few weeks ago, he was unable to go to places sometimes and...
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