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survadvo's Blog



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turning it around

Posted by survadvo , 16 July 2012 · 36 views

my mum has upset me today but i have posted in my voice about that so this is a healing blog

what happened and why
- she loves me
- she is doing what she thinks is best for me
- she thinks taking control is what i need ... she is trying to take some of the difficult things off me
- she is trying to be supportive
- she wouldnt be doing this if she d...


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anxiety again :( TW

Posted by survadvo , 15 July 2012 · 34 views

just woke from a nightmare about SA tonight... it was different than usual as i dreamt that i went through someones wallet (someone who was lost and didnt speak english), no idea who they were... and i found a list of arrests and convictions for that person in english and they were for sexual assault, etc ...

it listed only some of the thing which have...


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5 things

Posted by survadvo , 14 July 2012 · 42 views

1. 5 things i am thankful for in my life

- having my family near to me now ... i feel less alone and their love is unconditional, my mum, my 2 aunts and my grandad... not forgetting my cousins... they are all i could ask from a family (even if they do drive me up the wall)
- i am thankful that the police have stood up and protected me and did so well t...


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just keep swimming just keep swimming ...

Posted by survadvo , 13 July 2012 · 34 views

thats how my head feels today, reminds me of that children film which ever one it is ...Nemo ?

had a chat with another survivor today about how you can use lines from films to describe our lives ...

look on the bright side of life .... life of brian
...somewhere over the rainbow... wizard of oz

but right now its just keep swimming ...

i just feel...


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when the truth came out

Posted by survadvo , 12 July 2012 · 40 views

Mum - " dont you dare destroy my family"

Aunt - "i never saw anything so it didnt happen, i was in the house and you didnt call out"

Aunt*2 - "il wait and see what happens with court before asking *cousin* if he touched her"

ex bf - " you caused it yourself for keep going back into that situation"

friend - "if it ha...


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worst scenarios and safety nets

Posted by survadvo , 11 July 2012 · 27 views

scenarios (mostly internal messages i send my self)

- i wont be ever allowed to see my cousins again
- id be better off not around
- im never going to amount to anything
- ive failed the people i should be caring most about
- im going to loose my job before i find another one

Safety nets

- if they do stop me from seeing my cousins then thats thi...


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really hating.... "me"

Posted by survadvo , 10 July 2012 · 34 views

i really am hating myself today

im trying to be positive but i cant ...

i just want to get into bed and stay there, i havent felt this down for ages ...

im trying to keep busy, ive done alot of housework, i feel kind of numb

i dont know why i fell like this today ... nothing has changed

i just feel like im the scum of the earth and i deserve all...


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feeling cr*p today

Posted by survadvo , 09 July 2012 · 31 views

was really ill earlier, had such bad pain in my lower abdomen, i couldn't stand i couldn't sit, threw up due to the pain. it lasted about 20 minutes of excruciating pain. it was so bad i couldn't stay still. i was trying to tear my clothes it was that bad and sudden and strong ! now i just feel sore and the occasional shooting pain. my ex...


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biggest fears and new attitudes

Posted by survadvo , 06 July 2012 · 38 views

fears

- failure in career
- mental health problems long term
- failure in relationships
- never having closure
- release of my perp


Attitudes

- sometimes we have to take a step backwards in order to progress forwards
- i have to be proactive with my healing to prevent relapses *its ok to take my time*
- i have been through a life different from...


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big decisions

Posted by survadvo , 05 July 2012 · 31 views

i want my life back its as simple as that, these small productive steps im taking are great but they arent going to get me where i want to be anytime time soon, i want to take leaps....

i feel that moving back to home town was a fresh start, yet im already looking for another one ?! a fresh start from a 3 month old fresh start ? - im not happy here,...






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