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dont know

20 November 2012
Posted by survadvo  
ive deleted this line so many times

but

mark, i used to love you so much, i have songs that have lyrics to perfectly describe how i feel, christina perri...., i cheated on you because kevin raped me, because of that i need more reassurance, im more insecure than i were before, im irrational at times, i need more love. i miss you like mad, but...
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dont feel that i .... errrm

20 November 2012
Posted by survadvo  
i dunno just font feel that i belong.

feel that i cant say how i really feel here any more

dont feel that im helping here anymore

dont see any point - just gotta get over it

people might know who i am

i sound like im paranoid but ive had reason too lately. police telling me they will gain access to MY pandys, no one else might i add just...
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feeling pretty cleansed

12 November 2012
Posted by survadvo  
okay so im feeling pretty crap still in my head... my body is def telling me im stressed with the chronic stomach cramps but for some reason even though the prospect of life is pretty scary right now there is this inner part of me that feels okay.

ive had a wonderful relaxing evening with candles, music and half a glass of red wine... dont dare...
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fed up

10 November 2012
Posted by survadvo  
Well there is this part of me that feels like I've been through so much this last year that I think my limit of crap that I can deal with has been exceeded. Before I might have been more understanding but now I just tell people I've had enough of to "get lost" as I haven't got the patience .....

....but as I wrote that last...
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Posted by survadvo  
okay so i dont have an income, no benfits. no job. no personal savings

just the money i got from the criminal injuries compensation authority

so in a way ... money my abuser earnt for me by abuseing me. im okay with that in a way as i know deep down its compensation for what he did to me

but every time i buy something .... kevin brought that...
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dealing with old feelings

24 October 2012
Posted by survadvo  
its just so weird how all of a sudden things get hard ... i've been doing so well but this past week things seem to come a head again

i've stopped myself laying in bed all day so i know i'm not bad again but why now ? what has been the trigger ?

i just cant figure it out.... i re read my victim personal statement and that has helped...
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been a while

11 October 2012
Posted by survadvo  
i havent blogged for some time,

alot has happened and so i thought it were the perfect time to get going again

well firstly i have finished my counselling and feel really good for it,

i have heard that my perp is in a band B prison and have been told his rough release dates. november 2018 - lisence end
may 2025

got my compo money...
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angry

04 September 2012
Posted by survadvo  
I need to move far far away from here as soon as possible. Its the only way I'm going to get my life back !

I'm constantly reminded of him and what happened triggered by my home town. I feel like a victim in this town and I'm not ! I hate how people know and that I'll never be anything more to them then the girl kevin...
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Posted by survadvo  
dont really feel like blogging but guess that i should as im feeling a bit strange today

not sure whats bothering me

so hoping i can work it out by explaining to myself how im feeling

.... today i feel a bit low

[b]- i feel sad that yesterday a friend betrayed my trust and got violent towards me and scared me when he lost his temper with...
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self discovery

26 August 2012
Posted by survadvo  
i have a huge impatience when it comes to my healing

i want to be back on form and it all to be over and im fighting fit again

i tried to withdraw from pandys and stop talking to those who cared for me in an attempt to kid myself everything is okay again. i stopped using trigger coping techniques with the idea that i didnt need them any more....
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