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1. 5 things i am thankful for in my life
- having my family near to me now ... i feel less alone and their love is unconditional, my mum, my 2 aunts and my grandad... not forgetting my cousins... they are all i could ask from a family (even if they do drive me up the wall)
- i am thankful that the police have stood up and protected me and did so well to get a conviction ... Amanda Snashall and her partner Dave (child protection team detective constables) are amazing! they have given my voice back to me.
- having options for my future... even if it does make me feel confused ! degree here i come ! i will get it!
- having a roof over my head, somewhere i feel safe and im protected. first time ive properly felt safe in a long time.
- im thakful for being alive... there have been times where i have tried to su and i could have suceeded so im glad i failed... thats one thing i am truely thankful for failing at !
2. 5 things Kevin Foster has done/caused
- Kevin Foster has caused pain and upset for my family, his family and ME
- Kevin Foster has raped and abused ME
- Kevin Foster has lied about his actions but now everyone knows the truth!
- Kevin Foster tried to destroy my life .... he hasnt succeeded
- Kevin foster has put himself in prison by choosing his actions and making his own decisions
3. 5 things i need to forgive myself for
- i Forgive myself for struggling and needing to take a break from lifes struggles ... il be strong again
- i forgive myself for needing to have a break from uni ... i will go back
- i forgive myself for not telling the truth straight away ... i had to wait untill i could deal with the truth being out and even now its been bloody hard
- i forgive myself for feeling guilt and self blame ... it was how i dealt with the feelings but now i dont need to feel it anymore as i can deal with them in a healthy way
- i forgive myself for being vulnerable... its healthy, it shows im human, i just need to work on how to protect myself when vulnerable
4. 5 things people have said supportively about the assault (away from pandys)
- you are not to blame you were a 14 year old girl - therapist (dont think that one really counts)
- im not angry i just wish you had said something sooner - Aunt
- if you want to talk about it im here to listen - mum
- im worried about going to court incase i see him, il be angry with him - grandad
- i remember taking you to the doctors, i remember one night .... - aunt (ended up being a witness ! ) infact both aunts, my mum, my old friend and my ex were all witnesses for my case (prosecution) what amazing support is that !
5. 5 things i am proud of
- i am proud of my A level results at 6th form college
- i am proud that i have a strong and courageous soul although sometimes it gets hidden but i know its always there
- i am proud that i stood up to the person who hurt me and although he didnt acknowledge anything he has been made to address what he has done.
- i am proud of my ambition to do well in life although it sometimes brings me down a bit when i am not reaching my targets... but at im proud that at least i have the targets !
- i am proud that i have come over hurdles in my life ... not so much with grace more like a seagull who has fallen down a chimney ha... but i have broken free, dusted myself down and flown back with grace... and this time when i get back to who i really am, a strong beautiful young woman , i will be very wary of those chimneys ! i wont fall down anymore ! (got over SI, got over SU attempts, got over failing uni, got over broken relationships, got over moving far away from everyone and moving back.... getting over the sexual abuse hurdle now, its a high one but i know i can do it.)
- having my family near to me now ... i feel less alone and their love is unconditional, my mum, my 2 aunts and my grandad... not forgetting my cousins... they are all i could ask from a family (even if they do drive me up the wall)
- i am thankful that the police have stood up and protected me and did so well to get a conviction ... Amanda Snashall and her partner Dave (child protection team detective constables) are amazing! they have given my voice back to me.
- having options for my future... even if it does make me feel confused ! degree here i come ! i will get it!
- having a roof over my head, somewhere i feel safe and im protected. first time ive properly felt safe in a long time.
- im thakful for being alive... there have been times where i have tried to su and i could have suceeded so im glad i failed... thats one thing i am truely thankful for failing at !
2. 5 things Kevin Foster has done/caused
- Kevin Foster has caused pain and upset for my family, his family and ME
- Kevin Foster has raped and abused ME
- Kevin Foster has lied about his actions but now everyone knows the truth!
- Kevin Foster tried to destroy my life .... he hasnt succeeded
- Kevin foster has put himself in prison by choosing his actions and making his own decisions
3. 5 things i need to forgive myself for
- i Forgive myself for struggling and needing to take a break from lifes struggles ... il be strong again
- i forgive myself for needing to have a break from uni ... i will go back
- i forgive myself for not telling the truth straight away ... i had to wait untill i could deal with the truth being out and even now its been bloody hard
- i forgive myself for feeling guilt and self blame ... it was how i dealt with the feelings but now i dont need to feel it anymore as i can deal with them in a healthy way
- i forgive myself for being vulnerable... its healthy, it shows im human, i just need to work on how to protect myself when vulnerable
4. 5 things people have said supportively about the assault (away from pandys)
- you are not to blame you were a 14 year old girl - therapist (dont think that one really counts)
- im not angry i just wish you had said something sooner - Aunt
- if you want to talk about it im here to listen - mum
- im worried about going to court incase i see him, il be angry with him - grandad
- i remember taking you to the doctors, i remember one night .... - aunt (ended up being a witness ! ) infact both aunts, my mum, my old friend and my ex were all witnesses for my case (prosecution) what amazing support is that !
5. 5 things i am proud of
- i am proud of my A level results at 6th form college
- AB in health and social care double award
- B in Psychology
- C Biology
- i am proud that i have a strong and courageous soul although sometimes it gets hidden but i know its always there
- i am proud that i stood up to the person who hurt me and although he didnt acknowledge anything he has been made to address what he has done.
- i am proud of my ambition to do well in life although it sometimes brings me down a bit when i am not reaching my targets... but at im proud that at least i have the targets !
- i am proud that i have come over hurdles in my life ... not so much with grace more like a seagull who has fallen down a chimney ha... but i have broken free, dusted myself down and flown back with grace... and this time when i get back to who i really am, a strong beautiful young woman , i will be very wary of those chimneys ! i wont fall down anymore ! (got over SI, got over SU attempts, got over failing uni, got over broken relationships, got over moving far away from everyone and moving back.... getting over the sexual abuse hurdle now, its a high one but i know i can do it.)
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I hate that you had to go through all this but it has made you into an amazing young woman so congratulations.
Take gentle care of yourself
Granny
Take care.
Ciao...xo,
Szil
hope you are both well x