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had a chat with another survivor today about how you can use lines from films to describe our lives ...
look on the bright side of life .... life of brian
...somewhere over the rainbow... wizard of oz
but right now its just keep swimming ...
i just feel that my head is swimming with all the things i want to do and how i want to feel... i have this feeling where ive just got to get through each week and day.... but ive just looked at the calender and its been a month and a half since i went off sick and i havent achieved anything. i may be taking things day by day but those days are adding up...
when i try to think right its been long enough now... i get overwhelmed
ive just started applying for new jobs ... well ive done a job search and rung up the job centre to get some details about 2 jobs... ive found 5 jobs in total, but when it comes to applying i go through this thought process
what if they turn me down ?
i wont get the job no way will they employ me
what if i get a job interview ... i cant deal with that right now.
im not ready to work but i dont want to be without a job
i have to leave my job as i know im going to get sacked due to my sick record
i hate my current job but i dont want to be on state benefits
what if i never find another job ?
then im thinking ....
maybe i should volunteer at my local school a couple days a week working with the older children
maybe i could talk to the local academy about doing some voluntry work
i could contact local rest homes for volunteering as a activities co ordinator type job
maybe i should go on to benefits ... il get signed off work sick as i cant cope with a full time job that way i can volunteer and feel worth
when the time is right for me to go back to work i can find a part time job ... doing anything as i am progressing my carreer through voluntry work
once i have built up a good reference from voulntry work i can apply for uni and apply for a paid job doing that job... id love to be a mentor for teenagers.
i dont have to worry about finances at the moment and i will still have an income
if i go onto benefits i wont have the constant worry about is it this week i get sacked and then i have to try and find money,
i cant just quit as i dont think il be able to sign onto sick benefits... ir eally dont want to be on benefits... il feel like a bad person... i swore to myself that i would never go onto benefits again..
why cant i be normal ....