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Exhausted with having to lie to younger members of the family about what happened to me even though they ask me questions.
"Why is he in prison"
"How long will he be there"
"Who did he hurt"
"why are you upset?"
I know I'm protecting them but what am I protecting them from ? Maybe I'm protecting their innocence but they are so knowledgable. Why shouldn't they know. I've lied for such a long time. Covered up what he did to me I'm fed up that I still have too..... They don't know anything (the younger members of the family) and deep down I know very well I'd do anything to protect them even if it is just the tiny minuscule shred of innocence. I'm just fed up.
Went food shopping today and bumped into someone that knows my rapist. She doesn't class him as a friend and she is aware of what he has done to me. I felt horrid seeing her. That look of discomfort where she didn't know what to say to me and the sympathetic glances. Erruuugghhhhh. I can pity myself thanks ! Don't need you to do it for me !
I'm feeling pretty angry today. Hoping for a more tranquil day tomorrow :)/> I'll get there ....