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4 Months Later

Posted by tpatt2008 , 27 October 2012 · 22 views

I haven't written in awhile.
I've been avoiding it and I'm not sure why.
The last few months have been...well, I think you'll understand when I saw it's been up and down and up again.
I am currently down.
I can't figure out if it's because I'm PMSing, or because the last time I made love to my boyfriend I was drunk and I don't really remember it but for some reason this makes me very happy.

I moved to Mississippi last month. I also quit my job, started looking for a new one, moved in with my boyfriend and started having web sessions with my therapist. I've also thought a lot of about suicide.
If suicide triggers you, I encourage you not to read on.

I don't really want to die, I just don't feel like there's anything worth living for sometimes.
All I do is struggle to make it to a good day or a good week, and then I'm back here again. Pining.
I'm pining to feel normal, to be happy, to get away from all the bad stuff.

It just doesn't seem worth it.
The only thing is...when I have good days, I'm really happy. And I really like when I'm happy. It's like everything is clear and not muddles with all the other crap.

I don't know. I'm trying, guys. I'm sorry I left for so long.

I'm back.

June 2016

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