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Two Weeks

Posted by tpatt2008 , 09 June 2012 · 5 views

As I'm writing my psychology paper, the anger is returning. I'm not mad at the paper. I'm mad at trying to make my life sound gentle. Or just harsh enough.

I'm angry because I'm PMSing.

I'm angry because my boyfriend is shutting me out and he FORGETS that I don't have anyone else in this stupid city. I feel like he's my best friend, but I'm not his anymore.
It's been this way for awhile.

Especially after he found out he was being deployed.
Especially after I told him what happened to me at that party.

I don't know how I'm supposed to be there for him, and for me, without being angry at the whole world. And I REALLY can't figure out how to get rid of this anger. I feel like I'm bursting at the seams and the only thing keeping me together is the fact that I HAVE to wake up and go to work everyday. Or that I HAVE to get out of bed long enough to do my homework, or eat food, or shower.

I can't hold on to excitement long enough to enjoy it. Everything gets tainted so easily. The moments I have with my boyfriend are stained now. I can't have sex without thinking about what happened. It's all too fresh right now.

And I'm not strong right now. I'm desperate to get my mind off things, to get my body back, to feel something other than what I'm feeling right now.

There are just too many feelings and not enough energy to deal with them all. There are just too many changes and now enough time to adjust.

I'm so tired today.
................................

In other news, the bastards didn't give me an STD or knock me up. Yay.



I can relate to feeling this way with my boyfriend. I try to tell him that what he can do to help me is help himself. There are a lot of resources including this one that provides support for the second party.

I can relate to feeling this way with my boyfriend. I try to tell him that what he can do to help me is help himself. There are a lot of resources including this one that provides support for the second party.



Thanks. It's just getting so lonely. I'm getting so desperate. Thanks for the comment.

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