I'm angry because I'm PMSing.
I'm angry because my boyfriend is shutting me out and he FORGETS that I don't have anyone else in this stupid city. I feel like he's my best friend, but I'm not his anymore.
It's been this way for awhile.
Especially after he found out he was being deployed.
Especially after I told him what happened to me at that party.
I don't know how I'm supposed to be there for him, and for me, without being angry at the whole world. And I REALLY can't figure out how to get rid of this anger. I feel like I'm bursting at the seams and the only thing keeping me together is the fact that I HAVE to wake up and go to work everyday. Or that I HAVE to get out of bed long enough to do my homework, or eat food, or shower.
I can't hold on to excitement long enough to enjoy it. Everything gets tainted so easily. The moments I have with my boyfriend are stained now. I can't have sex without thinking about what happened. It's all too fresh right now.
And I'm not strong right now. I'm desperate to get my mind off things, to get my body back, to feel something other than what I'm feeling right now.
There are just too many feelings and not enough energy to deal with them all. There are just too many changes and now enough time to adjust.
I'm so tired today.
In other news, the bastards didn't give me an STD or knock me up. Yay.