Jump to content


When people just won't stop asking

Posted by Tillit , 30 November 2013 · 208 views

So long story short, I developed a severe depression (not SA-related) during my teens, which worsened when I failed two key classes and had to retake a high school year. I was away from school for two years, then eventually dropped out and finished high school part-time, which took five more years. Then I went to college for one and a half years before realizing that I had chosen a career path that wasn't right for me, so I dropped out, which was a very difficult and "heavy" decision for me. So I've enrolled in a folk college to "recuperate", work on things like social skills, and decide where to go next in terms of studies and work.
The average age of folk high school pupils is 18-20, so I'm eight-10 years older than most people here, so I was terrified of what people were going to say when I told them how old I were. So when my whole class just accepted how old I was, it came as a huge relief. Some people have been shocked, of course, but in general, people have been welcoming and have accepted me as part of the pack.
Except one.
Basically, there is a girl who acts like everything that happens around her is her business. I can have a conversation at the table and she can listen in from five seats away and shout at us for details or clarification when there's something she doesn't get.
Then, near the beginning of the year, we're sitting around a table in a common room at the dorms playing cards or yahtzee or just talking, I can't remember. Then out of nowhere, without knowing anything about my life situation or past, she turns to me and asks:
"What on earth have you been doing all these years?!"
I'm pretty much struck dumb by the way she almost demanded this from me in such a judgmental way that I just answered "uh, not much". My past isn't something to hide, but it's also not something I'm very eager to talk about to near-strangers, especially ones who basically seem to have made up their minds that I've been doing nothing for 10 years, and who don't respect it when I don't want to tell them. I got a very strong impression that she asked because she wanted to know, not because she cared.
The next time she asked me what I'd been doing and for how long I'd gone to high school, over a meal in the dining hall, I pretty much just snapped at her. Then, when she proceeded to ask me a third time, I just lied and said I'd gone to high school for three years, and then when she asked what I'd done since then, I just said "various stuff" to get her to shut up. I just know she's going to ask again.
When she's not been inquiring as to what I've been doing and how many years I've gone to high school, she been making a huge deal out of my age. She's called me "grampa" countless times and she's been calling me out on it whenever I've made mistakes or misunderstood things. Now, maybe I'm responding too harshly to her, but the thing is, I have a past, and I don't know how to reply to her when she asks the way she does, and doesn't respect that I don't want to talk about it, and judges me the way she does -- and it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable to sit there in a public setting, with people around me, and not be able to give a good answer. It makes me feel like I've got something to hide, as if I've got a criminal past I want to cover up or something.
On top of all that, she also happens to have next to no filter whatsoever when it comes to deciding what's okay to share and what she should keep to herself. She shares anything, with anyone. Even when she understands that she's learned something that she should keep secret, she just ends up blabbering it out anyway. Rule of thumb is that whatever you tell her, the whole school knows within two minutes. I've got zero trust in her.
Some people just totally lack respect for other peoples' boundaries. I suppose everyone at a support forum like this knows all about that Posted Image , but... god, am I upset with her.

June 2016

2627 28 2930  

Search My Blog

Recent Comments


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.