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Tillit's Loft



Posted by Tillit , 04 November 2012 · 190 views


So this semester has been a roller coaster ride like no other. This was supposed to be the semester where everything got better. I managed to disclose, in detail, what happened to my to my T last semester, and that lifted a huge weight off my shoulders, and I was so ready to move on with my life.

Then comes a depression out of nowhere. Really, out of nowhere. It hits me hard right in the gut and everything goes to the hot place in a hand basket. Okay, not completely out of nowhere -- my T says I'm predisposed (if that's a word) for depression due to my life situation and past and frankly I don't blame my brain from overloading from everything that's happened in my life, but either way I'm almost completely absent from lectures, don't read curriculum, and don't work on assignments. Oh, and I don't take care of myself, eat, or keep my room tidy and clean. I'm a mess for the better part of the semester. We've got three weeks left of lectures and here I am feeling the year has only just started. Holy ****.

I'm at a crux now, though. A tipping point. Call it whatever you want. Either way, I've got an assignment due that I think everyone else have turned in but me, because I've just put it off continually since it was given to me. Tomorrow/today (it's 2:58am here) I'm going to turn it in. I've got no feedback on it so far, unlike everyone else who turned it in for review, and if I don't pass, I don't get to take the semester exams. If I don't get to take the exams, I have to redo the entire year. Them's the grapes.

So I'm turning in an 10 page assignment, half of which I've composed practically overnight, I think it's good enough, but I'm not an experienced enough college student to know, and sooo much depends on this passing. I don't know if I really mind having to redo a year, gods only know that I've done that before (long story, may tell it later), but I feel I'm soo incredibly lucky to have the classmates I have, and I really don't want to "lose" them and have to step into another class full of strangers who may not be nearly as friendly and outgoing and colourful as my wonderful current class.
So.... wish me luck, all. I think I need it.

At least it's finally coming together. Last minute panic hit yesterday and I got cracking, and now I've been up all night putting it together. FINALLY I feel it's about 98-99% finished. Finally I know I've got something to turn in tomorrow.

Fih- nah- lly.

#thatfeeling #whoneedssleep

November 2012


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