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Evie03's Blog



Posted by bellabee3 , 03 July 2013 · 247 views

i feel so effing alone. i dont know what to do. i feel like im screaming in a room filled with people and no one notices, or even gives a sh*t. im spinning round and round in my head. i am so alone. i want to cry and my eyes hurt, but i cant seem to do it. all i wanna do is sleep, or cry. and i cant cry. i need to cry. my heart feels heavy as with pain, l...


she is out and i dont wanna see her

Posted by bellabee3 , 19 May 2013 · 118 views

so my mother is out of hospital. came out last week. hasnt talked to me for a few days. which has been nice. is that bad to think? i just feel so more me when im not worrying all the time about her. shes never really been a mother to me. i dont even call her that, i call her by her first name. me and my bf are doing better now. more on an even keel. which...


so not only

Posted by bellabee3 , 22 April 2013 · 200 views

so not only is my mother out of icu, but she now has a tempreture. which could kill her if not managed. she needs to be back in icu but they dont wanna move her yet. shes not bad enough yet. i so cant do this. i feel so alone. and old. she choose to keep drinking. she knew she was going to die, and waited til the last moment to call the ambulance so we(th...



Posted by bellabee3 , 20 April 2013 · 143 views

So my mum is in the ICU... shes off life support but who knows how long for. i havent been talking to her for the last... at least 6 months. shes mostly got alcohol induced pancreititis. but could also have liver failure or cancer. if its liver then she will needs a transplant. which she wont get cause shes an alcoholic.

i have no idea how i feel about...


Survived Another Weekend

Posted by bellabee3 , 14 April 2013 · 102 views

So i did it. Does anyone else hate weekends? no structure, and feeling lost. unanchored. Feel like i should be out having fun, doing things. but i never want too. Just watched Keeping Mum. very funny movie, no triggers as far as i can think of, if u need a little laugh. Will update more tomorrow.


New Job

Posted by bellabee3 , 11 April 2013 · 111 views

Might have a new job. However its conditional on my references checking out, and also its fulltime.
Never managed to work fulltime before, however i can do this. right?


Not alone

Posted by bellabee3 , 09 April 2013 · 84 views

Im not alone today during the day. My boyfirend is home sick. so im not alone today during the day. i dunno how im supposed to feel. i feel like im drifting, unanchored, floating. and i hate feeling this way...


New T

Posted by bellabee3 , 07 April 2013 · 84 views

So i moved, so now im getting a new T. Im real worried, i know its a woman, and she is supossed to be nice. but who knows really? Man i feel lost right now. I want to stay with my old T but i moved and now she is too far away. I feel like ive been deserted and well as me deserting her, i dont know which feels worse.



Posted by bellabee3 , 04 April 2013 · 78 views

trying to learn how to sit with things. to sit with where i am in my life, and where i am with my boyfirend.

its hard. im a planner. im an organiser. but trying to learn how to do this.


sad and feeling alone. oh well. just over being me. oh well.


i feel lost and alone

Posted by bellabee3 , 24 August 2012 · 72 views

i know its been ages since ive been on here. ive been going through some rough stuff lately. police, and family dramas, and work dramas. always fun! not.

my phone just got sent to the factory to get fixed/replaced. and i feel really disconnected from the world. my phone is my music, my games, my calender, my camera, etc etc.

i just am not handling...

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