my biggest worry is about my sis, and how to tell her. sometimes i just want to tell her and get it over with and other times i want to plan it all out and make sure it goes ok as it can go for her, the times when i just wanna tell her asap i feel so cold. cold in my heart and cold in my soul that i am not putting her first.
i also feel cold because m my mother doesnt know the details of what happened to my sis, and she says she needs to know in order to support her. i am so unsure on this. i dont want her to know. the idea of telling her or her knowing the details makes my heart turn to ice. what i have been protecting her from my whole life is now going to spill out into her life, and tear her to pieces...
but when i talk to her all i do is get angry because now all she talks to me about is the investigation. how it will affect her, and how it will affect my bro n sis. how hurt everyone will be with my actions.
i just feel so lost about this. i feel like i am turning into a really selfish person because i feel like i need more support but have no one to ask for it. and the so called "family" i have is all there for themselves even thou that is how they always r i just feel cold and lost because now it is not enough, i need more! does that make me selfish? and why is my heart freezing?why do i feel like an iceicle of darkness?the thing that ruined everyones lives.