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Cold heart

Posted by bellabee3 , 12 June 2012 · 92 views

so as some of you who read my blogs know i talked to cops and they are going to call cps, thank goodness!! however this means everything is moving alot faster than i was told it was going to happen....

my biggest worry is about my sis, and how to tell her. sometimes i just want to tell her and get it over with and other times i want to plan it all out and make sure it goes ok as it can go for her, the times when i just wanna tell her asap i feel so cold. cold in my heart and cold in my soul that i am not putting her first.

i also feel cold because m my mother doesnt know the details of what happened to my sis, and she says she needs to know in order to support her. i am so unsure on this. i dont want her to know. the idea of telling her or her knowing the details makes my heart turn to ice. what i have been protecting her from my whole life is now going to spill out into her life, and tear her to pieces...

but when i talk to her all i do is get angry because now all she talks to me about is the investigation. how it will affect her, and how it will affect my bro n sis. how hurt everyone will be with my actions.

i just feel so lost about this. i feel like i am turning into a really selfish person because i feel like i need more support but have no one to ask for it. and the so called "family" i have is all there for themselves even thou that is how they always r i just feel cold and lost because now it is not enough, i need more! does that make me selfish? and why is my heart freezing?why do i feel like an iceicle of darkness?the thing that ruined everyones lives.

Evie, you're not a selfish person. And after reading your blog it's clear you don't have a heart of ice, you're just in pain and need support. I can relate very much to what you wrote because my family is very similar. They all isolate themselves by choice, and I feel very alone. Your mother needs to give you more support, and worry less about how it's all going to affect her.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, but you sound very brave. Sending you positive thoughts and energy :hug:
I agree with Irishleo. You are brave and I am sorry for all your pain. I hope all goes smoothly.


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