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june 13th

Posted by oma , 13 June 2012 · 129 views

Alight, note to self...

Safe haven.. To busy..
W. Michigan Rave.. no answer in over a week and a half.
Y.. Lakeshia sent me more resources, but states shes helpless..
Carmen, no word from the emails I have sent out..
Project hope, No reply yet, after a week.
Alison from EDU, answered, but cannot help unless I can use a phone, and get down there once a week..
Project heal, and United way... no reply yet...also been a week and a half
Allagen police, answered but cannot step out of their own county..
Cross-roads, no answer or reply in a week and a half...
Rainn sends me to Women in Transition.. Can't go to that one.. Idiots know where the protected home is.
Alright.. now what...
Start over!!! Just differently...

14th... got an email back, I should be thankful for that much. But Projects hope is off the list, because they only sent a hotline number, which is Rainn.. Rainn hooks me up with the YMCA, and Lakeshia from the Y isn't doing much good.
And legal aid.. Got some info from them, but.... To go 'underground' is not going to work if at all any Government agencies are part of the issuse at home, and the military and Police are issues. I learned that you can change everything from your SS card, to ID etc... but your still traceable.. Which might explain how they keep finding me when I do leave. It's the only logical explanation to the fact that they found me in a shelter home that doesn't 'exist' Or how they find me when I leave state... I also found out from them that even if by some off chance I did figure this junk out, there is jurisdiction requirements in a divorce, and in this state you still have to be there for court. More so if you have kids under age, and a spouce who will fight you all the way. Though I already knew that part, I really didn't know that your traceable..
but legal Aid won't tell me anymore, they just give me a number to an attorney.
________________________________________________________________________________ :toomuch:

I have about had it with Lakeshia from the Y... I finally got an email back last night from her.. and it amazed me because it was seriously late, which means she did it from her home.. But according to her, she pretty much doesn't have to be available to me even when she is working.. THATS NEWS TO ME!!!But you know what, whatever... Im all done with her... Wonder what her boss would think over the emails she sends me...
It's alright though. There are more fish out there, and I am not about to stop. It just shows me that if the little people will not listen, then I will go higher up. See now its just personal!! Now its not just for me, but for all the people who fall through the cracks..
Probably did something really stupid, but at the same time I don't regret it, or what the outcome will be... I emailed my 'father'
He is the biggest threat to me.... But no more will I be afraid of what he or his military friends can do!
I couldn't tell you why.. The other day a semi was flying down our road, probably going at least 80. He must not have seen the car that was turning down our road because before I knew it, standing right next to him, he slammed on his breaks, smoke was everywheer, tires were melting into the street. If I would have been 3 inches to my left, I would have been smacked. I didn't move, I didnt flinch, nothing... I wonder if fear can disappear? Whatever the reason behind the fact that I hold no more fear... I hope my 'father' and his jacka** friends enjoy that email.. Same hold true to my husband and his goons, and all those out there like Lakeshia.. this is MY TIME!!!!! Common world, bring it on!!

June 26th..
Got a hold of our local news team and sent them out an email..
Well, I took a step into unknown territory. Talked to a good friend yesterday and decided not to stop. As it stands the safest way to do this is to make sure that my documents and everything I have is in someone else's hands just in case, which I am in the process of doing. Once that is done, then I will go beyond our local news, and go national. Gina and I figured out ways to do just that.
My 'father' use to and still does tell me, " If you dig a hole, you lay in it." Well, I didn't dig this hole, they did.. I am just finishing it.
I worry that my mom, or my kids or Summer will be in danger because of what I am doing. So I have to think about them as well.. But how can you tell people to 'risk' if you yourself do not do it.
I used to think that what goes on here, didn't effect my kids. Last year and now I see differently.
No, they have never been abused and are loved beyond words, but their choices in life and the men they choose reflects what they have seen and learned. I don't want to do that to Summer... I might have failed my kids in some ways. But that little one needs a chance, deserves a chance! My life is done, hers is just beginning.
If I think, then I will stop so I am doing what I can not to think about the consequences to myself, only those who I care about. Right or wrong, some should at least know this sh*t goes on, and way to many people fall through the cracks of our justice system....

July 6th...
I have no blasted clue why I even bother.. So far nothing has changed when it comes to people not giving a damn. You go through waves of busting your a** to help yourself and for what.. So people can just add more and more bricks to a wall thats already so defined, and behind it all you are left to feel is defeat, worthlessness. Geez just had a thought, if its not the abusers that destroy us, its the hope we have in mankind and how they just ignore you, it destroys too...
So I am making one more.. and I literally mean one more ditch effort. I will not do this again.. I will not put myself through this anymore...
I wrote Safe haven who has flat out stop talking to me since the whole mess with Lakeshia.. I wrote them tonight..........

oma, sending protection and care to you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I so hope and pray something/someone comes true for you. Hang in there my good friend. Love and blessings.

pinkbell xoxoxoxoxox
Hi Pinkbell...
Didn't expect ya or anyone really to say anything. Thank you for being so sweet and kind. Your one in a million ya know!! :) :hug:

I am just trying to keep track of who the heck I have contacted and when...
Something has got to give!
Gotta add two more...

the only thing that came to mind, reading your poem with your pic again, was 'how do you sleep at night?'. it's appalling that so many people have turned a blind eye.

stay strong (((hugs)))
Thanks Pink..
This might sound completely stupid to say, but when I sleep, first I am literally knocked out on 6mg of ativan, add to that 4 sleeping pills. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to sleep at all. Not sure why and neither do the doctors. The way I see it, I have a ADHD brain. Don't shut off.
But as stupid as this is to say, " I am used to always being on edge." This life, didn't start when I got married, its been all my life, so in some ways it's 'normal'? I dunno...
And I agree, either they shut the door, laws stop everything, or they pawn you off.. Finding that to be true all over again... I knew better than to try.. But it's like something in you that says, " you gotta try again." But I can if anything I am learning more and more than before.. Crappy part is, none of it is good... I don't understand either.. I wish I did.. Wouldn't feel so worthless ya know.. if some one would just stop. Just stop long enough to help.
Anyway.. Thank you though. It's good to know if anything that some people really do 'get it.'
You hang in there and keep you chin up as well!!! alright?!
You are correct that something has to give somewhere so don't give up. You and your family deserve to be safe and free of fear.

I am thinking of you Oma. Take good care of you. Blessings
edited because what i said was stupid. ((hug))
Pink, nothing you said was stupid. In fact when I read this I sent out a email to Lakeshia at the YMCA and asked her about it. I have never even thought about it, it has never been brought up, so I have no idea how it would work, if it will.. But it's worth looking into. I appreciate the helpful advice, I really do.
Even tonight when I wanted to just come on here and blow up and say to h*ll with things. I see you, and others fighting your a** off to make a difference, to find some sort of healing and peace within yourself and this world. It's awe inspiring and gives so many hope. How is supporting someone stupid if it offers hope? There is no way my friend that it could. You are a wonderful person who has so much to offer this world. I am utterly thankful your here!! :hug: :hug:
aw oma! thank you so much for going to the trouble of writing that. it really helped me this morning. i'm glad my thoughts weren't completely stupid. and if it leads to a new avenue that hasn't been explored yet i'm really glad.

count yourself in as one of those fighting their fricking a** off for freedom and healing, and giving people so much hope. we are always here to support you, no matter how dark it gets. so grateful you are here too my friend....and despite how it may feel at times, your words are full of comfort, compassion and hope. we need you here. (((((oma)))))
Thanks Pink!!!

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