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How can I call him what he is when he's so normal?

Posted by jessie72 , 18 May 2013 · 102 views

So I know this isn't advisable but I was sneaking a look at his facebook page. I guess I did it to try and desensitize myself to his face, his presence. He lives near the sports centre where I am a member. I've tried going elsewhere but this is the one where I can afford the membership and I find myself getting angry when I realise he's stopping me from going, or rather I am letting him stop me from going.


So I looked at his facebook page. He has lots of friends, many of them girls. He's a nice, friendly man. Doesn't take life seriously. How then can I call him a r*pist?

How can I equate this man with s*xual violence? Some people say r*pe isn't about s*x, it's an act of violence. This confuses me and makes me wonder if I can call what happened to me 'r*pe'. When I think back to that night, for him it was all about s*x. He wanted it and he ensured that I ended up at his place, drunk and vulnerable. He just wanted s*x though - that's normal between two consenting adults isn't it? I know that's the issue - consent.

I did not give my consent, in fact earlier in the evening I'd expressly denied consent. He just thought I needed my mind changing - so in my drunken state he invited me around for a cuddle and I naively went as I thought we were friends, I wanted to feel cared for, loved - but I didnt want s*x - at least I don't think so. I've beaten myself up about this in many forms since - "Did I secretely want to, is that why I went around?", "Did I know what was going to happen? I must have wanted it, after all alcohol reduces our inhibitions" :down: These thoughts have tortured me ever since.

:trigger: (...for my own scary tormented thoughts)

The thing that confuses me is the way society views these issues. He does not for one minute think he is a r*pist - I know this. He just thinks I am a crazy girl who regrets that night and who ran away and moved home a few days later (he was my neighbour). He's learned while growing up that 'girls say no when they mean yes', and that 'sometimes they take a little coaxing' - why else do some men lable their sexual experiences as 'conquests'? - society condones this.

So although I know in my gut that what happened that night was wrong, I still doubt myself regularly and cannot call him the 'man who r*ped me', it feels like a lie, it feels like an insult to all those women who have really been ass*ulted even though since that night I have never been the same :tear:

May 18 2013 12:33 PM
I read a great book that classified types of rapist and yours sounds like the gentlemen rapist the most common type.My link this link give some details but the book I read was by an FBI criminology who gave a very real profile and it fit my rapist so clearly. He is nice a father seemly harmless and had what seem like lots of friends but just empty connections on Facebook. I encourage you to read some FBI profiles I found it very enlightening to stop myself doubt and really see this guy for who he is.

June 2016

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