Jump to content



Posted by leeleewolfie , 20 November 2012 · 20 views

I'm sick of everything and everyone. I just want it to go back to the way it was this summer. I want to go back to when I was the only one who could get under my ex-partner's skin. I'm tired of being expected to fix all my boyfriend's problems. I can't do anything to fix his mistakes. I want to go back to when I was with my ex-partner and I could rant and rave about how things weren't fair and he'd listen to me with that concerned look on his face until I was done. I miss him replacing the narrowed eyebrows and contemplative look with a devilish grin just before making me forget my own name and my worries along with it. I miss when if I was upset or bored I could text him and he would distract me from anything without asking me what was wrong, not because he didn't care but he knew that if I wanted to talk about it, I would in my own time. I miss riding home with him, listening to whatever he wanted to and having no say in the matter unless he was feeling extremely generous. Those times where I picked the CD made me the happiest person in the world. I miss feeling like I had to be a good person in his eyes, and I miss his satisfaction when I achieved it. I miss when the beanbag chair was mine and mine alone, but not as much as I miss when it was ours. I miss when hearing songs that reminded me of him or seeing pictures of him at airsoft made me smile, not feel like I was being stabbed in the chest.

I miss not feeling like I'm cheating because I think I love him.

I miss regularly getting with M et al every Friday night to feel loved. I miss them making jokes about her and I getting it on to turn them on. I miss when I didn't feel like I was putting her in the middle of my ex and I and making her choose between us. I miss feeling protected by the three of them, like when I was with them no one could ever hurt me. I miss when she would make A make me food to make sure I ate. It felt like they were working together to keep me alive, and that's what they were doing without even realizing it, and it was wonderful.

I guess I just miss not feeling like my world is crashing around me. I don't want to sleep because I don't want to lay awake and have nothing to do but think. I want to drink or cut or something just to take the edge off, but I don't have the means and know I shouldn't, respectively. I just want someone to tell me it's all alright, and I want to be able to believe them.

July 2016

171819202122 23

Recent Entries

Recent Comments


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.