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I was already down in the dumps because of the fact that my boyfriend's in Spain. When you go several months constantly talking to someone, even before you're dating, and then you have to spend your ten-day spring break only getting to send him one text a day because of his plan... it kinda sucks. So Jake didn't really notice a difference between my behavior at the restaurant and at the show for quite a while.
My abuser goes to the college where DISCO is taking place. It's always been a huge fear of mine that one of the days where I was walking around on campus (practically the only thing to do while living in this town when most of your freinds are college-aged), but I haven't done that since I stopped letting him abuse me. Last night it finally happened. We were walking to the theater and he drove past us. He didn't see me, but I'm positive it was him. I know that car. It still has the scratch on it from him getting a fender bender while texting me (I yelled at him so much for that).
I didn't say anything at first because I didn't think it'd affect me. I saw him at one of the local high school football games and I cried for a little bit and moved on. Last night, though... It was bad. Jake's a very hands-on person and I've always been okay with that, even liked it. But last night I was fighting so hard to stay in 2012... I kept randomly freaking out, and he'd put a hand on my shoulder or something and I'd end up flying out of my seat just to get away.
Eventually I explained to him. He grew really concerned. Then he said "Well you know what? I don't give a f*ck. And you shouldn't either. Show's about to start." It seems rude on paper but he knows that kind of talk really helps snap me out of stuff.
It did help for a little bit. Then one of the improv groups had a guy with a very similar speech impediment to the guy who abused me. I tried to cover my ears every time he talked, but it made a very confusing sketch even more confusing, so I just did my best to suck it up and deal.
One of the times he r*ped me was while we were watching Sucker Punch (which is slightly fitting because it's partially a movie about a brothel). The movie has a lot of songs in it from... well, before music sucked. I used to love that movie, but I haven't watched it since that day. I've also done my best to avoid the songs even though I used to love the soundtrack. One of the songs in the movie was "Tomorrow Never Knows," originally by The Beatles. In between groups they played songs. That was one of the songs. I covered my ears and started hummig, but I couldn't block it out. Jake turned to me and said "Too loud?" I shook my head and tried to tell him the reason, but I couldn't get the words out. He opened his arms and I leaned over and let him hold me.
By the end of the night, the groups had been hilarious enough to keep me from completely melting down, but only barely. I just... I wish he could just be gone for good.