Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.
You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.
My struggle with self-injury began in my freshman year of high school. I am now a freshman in college, so I've been doing it, intermittently, for four years-ish. I started...out of deep self hatred I was a lonely misfit in the cruel world of junior high, and this was a way of punishing myself for not fitting in. Along with the [self-harm] came other destructive behaviors [but] most of that stuff disappeared by about the middle of my sophomore year. By then, I had [moved on to more serious self-injury]. I wasn't self-harming much because of loneliness or because I didn't fit in, I [self-injured] because of self-hatred, and punishment was a comfort (it still is.)
Then last fall I began to prematurely celebrate what was to be the one year anniversary of my very last [self-injury] and one year since I'd made myself throw up. Shortly after that, on the eve of my senior year, I was raped by a close friend. That changed me more than any other event in my life. I began to see the world differently, and the [self-harm] got very bad for awhile. While I no longer [self-harm] as often or as violently, I indulge occasionally when I am very angry, stressed, or particularly overwhelmed with self-loathing.
Unlike many self-injurers, I've never really [self-injured] out of depression; I do it almost exclusively out of anger. That's how I've come to cope with it.