Fearless - The Power of Words
I was sinking into a bit of a depression again, was spending all my time ignoring reality and trying to lose myself in the in the fantastical world of fiction. School work sat abandoned half-finished on the computer but I resolutely did not think about it. Just another regular day for me.
My mom was on a website that caught my attention. She was on the Joyful Heart Foundations website because of the necklace she had noticed that Mariska Hargitay from Law and Order: SVU (Special Victims Unit) always wore. Mariska was the founder of Joyful Heart, and my mom was looking at a picture of the necklace in question.
Then I read the word carved into the metal plaque: FEARLESSNESS.
Immediately I felt a response from deep inside me. As it sunk in deeper, as I read the word again, the swell of emotion that rose like a tidal wave in me could not be stopped. I broke down into tears. I finally had to acknowledge that yes, there was something wrong with me. I was not fine.
I had been hiding. Hiding for a long time from emotions I had been burying for far too long. One of the predominant of those was fear. A huge, overwhelming fear that I didnít fully understand. It was scary to even think about it let alone let myself feel it. Seeing that word, FEARLESSNESS, changed my life.
Before than I knew that words had power, I just didnít know how powerful one word could be all on its own.
After that it was a matter of working up the courage to call a crisis line that could set me up for counselling. It took me a couple of weeks to get to the point where I picked up the phone (and shaking like a leaf) dial the number. It was, I believe, my first big step forwards.
Since then I have taken a few more steps forward on my healing journey. Iíve started doing school work again, and I see a counsellor every couple weeks (for the most part). In between sessions I make a little progress on my own through thinking about my issues, writing in my journal, and allowing myself to feel all the things I was avoiding before.
Joining Pandys has been the next step in my journey. I want to support others who have had similar experiences and have the extra support as well. Joining was scary, but I knew I needed to do it. And I'm glad I did.