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Posted by fury , 16 November 2012 · 35 views

So Kat, this is to you, for you. All the sh** you put me through, I went through, everything I lost. I hope you enjoyed how your life ended. Yeah, you were a tortured soul, but instead of dealing with it, you took it out on everyone else. In some way, I hope you became aware of how the biggest lies you told were to yourself. That you could suck in so many believers is beyond me. That's what a narcissist does, though. Charming, funny and absolutely toxic. I still hate you, I still love you. I reach for indifference, but you are the one I don't know will ever touch it.

I saw you go from carefree manipulator to evil manipulator. I was often the victim of your machinations. I was the one you wanted to "beat." Well, you won. I understood your need, I just couldn't fill it anymore. I became aware of my needs, so you found me expendable, and set out to rid the chattel. Well done.

Your impenetrable defenses would brook no logic, no argument could sway you to help, and now you're dead. There is only pain in having been "right." You ran out of time to face those demons, even the ones you couldn't remember. The rest you drugged into oblivion. It broke an already broken heart. I have a Kathy-shaped hole in my being.

The damage you could perpetrate is completed. I don't know how to mend what's broken, and most times, I don't even want to try, because it is the only part of you that I have left. You are the only soul in the world who could be witness to the history, though millions of others know the same story, they can't validate our story. My hope of it ever being validated died with you.

The perp will continue to deny, deny, deny. The other perp is dead, too. Rest well, my sweet Kathy. I still hate you, I still love you.

July 2016

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