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Now I'm thinking about why there is so much crap to be dealt with. Why is there this issue and that issue, pile upon pile of emotional garbage and physical ailments?
It's because my parents created controllable victims. I was among the handy vulnerable on whom they could prey. Their shit had years and years, and all manner of situations to find opportunity. It didn't matter who I was, or what situation, I was stuck with them.
Sex, speaking, shopping, eating, trying to play, work, clothing, the very skin I'm in, muscle, bone, everything. Everything was permeated with their filth.
I hold my mother responsible because she did nothing, even instigated the violence and rape. She was the mother, I was the kid. It doesn't mean that I don't miss her, but what the hell is there to miss? Familiarity, I suppose.
I still find shame in the family into which I was born.
It's because my parents created controllable victims. I was among the handy vulnerable on whom they could prey. Their shit had years and years, and all manner of situations to find opportunity. It didn't matter who I was, or what situation, I was stuck with them.
Sex, speaking, shopping, eating, trying to play, work, clothing, the very skin I'm in, muscle, bone, everything. Everything was permeated with their filth.
I hold my mother responsible because she did nothing, even instigated the violence and rape. She was the mother, I was the kid. It doesn't mean that I don't miss her, but what the hell is there to miss? Familiarity, I suppose.
I still find shame in the family into which I was born.
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fury likes this
2 Comments On This Entry
It is their shame not yours. Thier 'filth' can be washed away off of you. Take good care. Blessings
bellachai,
25 February 2012 - 02:49 PM
You're right, bellachai. I need to keep telling myself I don't own it. Thanks.
fury,
28 February 2012 - 06:08 AM
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