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So now I'm feeling mad. Every once in a while I start to feel really mad but I feel like there's no place to put it. In therapy I always shy away from getting angry. It's so hard to get angry in front of people.
I wanted to yell at someone today, out of the blue I just got so angry - rageful even. But theres no one to yell at. So I tried screaming into a pillow, and I realize Ive never yelled in anger. I don't even know how to. It sounds stupid but I just don't know how. It always stops in my throat.
I got some high pitched whiney screaming done in the pillow though.
I also punched a bunch of pillows..
Unsure of what to do next I drew a bunch of monsters. Monsters that I imagined I wanted to protect me, from inside of me. Some of them were scary. Some of them were abstract.
But I feel like I'm channelling my anger into defensiveness, rather than self destruction. I really felt like a child drawing those pictures - reclaiming some of my childhood anger.
Recovery is a weird process for sure.
I wanted to yell at someone today, out of the blue I just got so angry - rageful even. But theres no one to yell at. So I tried screaming into a pillow, and I realize Ive never yelled in anger. I don't even know how to. It sounds stupid but I just don't know how. It always stops in my throat.
I got some high pitched whiney screaming done in the pillow though.
I also punched a bunch of pillows..
Unsure of what to do next I drew a bunch of monsters. Monsters that I imagined I wanted to protect me, from inside of me. Some of them were scary. Some of them were abstract.
But I feel like I'm channelling my anger into defensiveness, rather than self destruction. I really felt like a child drawing those pictures - reclaiming some of my childhood anger.
Recovery is a weird process for sure.
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