Feeling love/anger for abuser
It worries me that that love can feel so strong still. In a perfect world I would hate him. But I missed him so much when I was writing. Maybe its better that I love him. I dont like the feeling of hating people.
My love turns really quickly into anger though..
I just want to take control of that situation. I want to tell him to fuck off and act like a responsible adult. I wish I could just go back in time and take me by the hand and tell him he cant see me anymore. I wish I could just take myself out of all the horrible situations my parents got me into. If I had had just one person to really ask about my life, who really tried to support me emotionally - maybe I would have avoided 10 years of suffering.
I feel proud of who I have become. I'm also too tired to type anymore!